Mental health is a common topic lately. Many people are suffering from one or multiple mental health illnesses. There is a lot of stigmas' around mental health and what constitutes needing help. I know personally, I did not think I deserved help because I was not a worst-case scenario. However, I really did not know how badly I needed help until last semester.
In Fall of 2017, I started having a really hard time at college. I stopped eating meals. I was crying all the time but I hid it from my roommate. If my roommate was in the room I would go take a shower so I would not bother anyone. In fact, nobody really knew that I was having trouble because I did not want to bother anyone with it. I would rather lie in bed than leave my dorm.
Finally, it got to the point where I told my mom how I was feeling and she suggested I make an appointment at the student health services here on campus. From there everything came out. I originally thought that suicidal thoughts were normal. Everyone wonders about death, but not everyone thinks about how they would take their life. How it would be so much more peaceful and how to do it so I did not bother anyone.
From there I was finally diagnosed with anxiety that basically drives my depression.
Basically what this means is I overthink everything. My mind works in a snowball effect, that if I do not do my homework, then I fail my test. If I fail my test I flunk out of college, and if I flunk out of college, I will never succeed in life. From there it goes into I am a waste of space, it would be better if I was not here, and on and on.
I have to say finally confessing that this was something that plagued me gave me such a relief. Not only in the fact that I was getting help but that I was validated in what I felt. This was not just me overreacting (yeah, I seriously had anxiety about having anxiety). See to me since I was not having a panic attack of being curled in a ball crying not able to breathe, or harming myself I was fine. I had no right to seek help. I was wrong.
The feeling of getting help and not having that overwhelming dark cloud over my head makes me feel 100 times lighter. Having my family's help, my best friend knowing, and having my roommates support honestly has made me feel so much better.
The whole point of writing this is to let anyone know that is struggling right now to seek help. You're worth it and go get the help you deserve. If I did not get that help I would be much worse off. I may not be here at this point. This also is to let you know that medication and counseling do not mean you no longer have bad days. I have bad days but I now have a support system. I am now more willing to meet new people. I am now freer than I was a few months ago.
