“It was not really alarming at first, since the change was subtle, but I did notice that my surroundings took on a different tone at certain times: the shadows of nightfall seemed more somber, my mornings were less buoyant, walks in the woods became less zestful, and there was a moment during my working hours in the late afternoon when a kind of panic and anxiety overtook me…” – William Styron, Darkness Visible
Nearly 54 million Americans suffer from some form of mental illness. It seems to be on the rising epidemic, and one of the biggest tragedies is that as a society we are not talking about it.
Ever wonder what depression feels like? Try moving and thinking in slow motion. Every thought that comes into your head is just a spiraling abyss where hope seems unreachable. Carrying on a normal conversation can sometimes be a struggle, and you cannot always express yourself.
At age eighteen I first came out about my depression and anxiety. I am not going to lie, it was one of the hardest things I ever had to tell people, and still is today. I was ashamed of my mental illness, and was honestly embarrassed to tell anyone. When I would confide in people, they would generally express feelings of shock or just say I was blowing my feelings out of proportion.
The embarrassment I felt inside grew when I decided I wanted to start taking medication. Over time, and after a few good talks with a great therapist, I learned that if medication was what was going to help me, then there was nothing wrong with it. At the end of the day you have to do what is best for your well being. Whether that is going to therapy, or taking medication, or trying some other type of alternative healing.
Our society tends to shame or look down on those with a mental illness. It is about time we start erasing the stigma and start educating. The truth is, anyone who suffers from a mental illness has had a stigma thrown at them. We have been called "crazy", "nuts", "psycho", and it is not only damaging but it hurts. People with a mental illness often face discrimination. They are blamed and patronized for what they cannot control. It is time that society starts listening, because those with a mental illness are starting to speak up. Depression, Anxiety, Schizophrenia, OCD, etc., does NOT define you. You are NOT your mental illness.
Do not equate yourself with your illness. Instead of calling yourself a "schizophrenic", say "I have schizophrenia". Instead of saying "I am bipolar", say "I have bipolar disorder". Stigma does not just come from others. It is easy to believe that your illness is a sign of personal weakness, or that you should be able to control it. Do not let stigma create self-doubt and shame. Most importantly, speak out about the stigma. It can help instill courage in others facing fear with similar situations. Judgments from others almost always come from a lack of understanding, rather than the facts given to them. Learning to accept your condition and recognize what you need to do to treat it, seeking support, and helping educate, can make a big difference. Seeking out help is not a weakness, but rather a greater character of your strength.
Living with my illness I have good days and bad days. On my good days I want to accomplish everything I can think of and do anything in the world. On my bad days I want to climb into bed and stay there forever.
Often times when someone first meets me they would not expect me to be suffering from depression and anxiety. The thing is, mental illness comes in all different shapes and forms. Using myself as an example, mental illness has many different faces.
I have learned that anxiety and depression can go hand-in-hand, and there is no shame in having either. At the end of the day, your illness does not define you. Your strength and courage do.
