This week, I'm finding it difficult to come up with words to describe the feelings that I have. My mental and physical well being are currently being challenged by all sources that usually produce light in my life.
Since the beginning of the year, as previously stated in another article, I have felt my anxiety growing and consuming my body, like a weed growing in the synapses of my brain. It's caused severe physical anguish, as well as a depression that was hard to control.
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I started my medication with high hopes, and with them, I was confronted with a new form of issues, making me step back and look at the life I have built for myself.
Over the past few years, I have changed. Not necessarily for the better or worse, but I'm different. Mentally, I have become a person that I can honestly say I don't like. And whether it's due to undiagnosed post-partum depression, or my constant underlying desire to conform to my life's situations, I find myself sitting alone at night, trying to grasp at the last few pieces of myself still left.
I've begun to physically alter my appearance back to who I was, but the underlying issues of my mental stability still persist. I've spoken with people who said that they miss the confidence I once had and that I used to be much stronger. But with every issue I've come across in my life, I've found those things to diminish.
My mental health is an asset I am again trying to rebuild. I find myself, more than ever, trying to regain the person I used to be. A loved, kind, and thoughtful person, who is now hidden in a pessimistic body. My journey to find myself will not be easy.
But I'm determined.
