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Health and Wellness

An Open Letter To My Anxiety

Now, I control you.

Kaylee McWilliams

Oct 04, 2015

Grand Valley State University

166

Huffington Post

Dear Anxiety,

Why do you control my life? At an early age I did not know you as anxiety. You were just my worries and dislike for change. I wanted to know why you made me feel so icky inside. Maybe I was just sensitive.

What do you want from me? In high school I caught you red-handed. I finally had pinpointed who you were, and what you were doing to me. During my first psychology class my teacher listed everything that you are. He listed the feelings of uneasiness, panic attacks, trembling, feeling powerless, and so many more plaguing symptoms.

Why me? You followed me through high school, but I did not take you seriously until that day in English where you gave me my first panic attack. I could not focus on breathing or anything but this unending dark cloud above my head. I excused myself from class.

Should I get help? I decided to tell my parents about you. It took a lot for me to face my parents. I told them I needed to go to a counselor. At first I do not think they understood, but they agreed to help me get rid of you.

What can a counselor do? My first appointment with my psychologist was the scariest thing I had ever done. I slowly got used to talking to someone, telling her what was eating at me inside, and telling her the most minuscule worries in my life. Slowly I got better. I could finally control you inside of me.

What am I going to do? After high school I thought I was fine to stop seeing my counselor, but I yet again was awakened to your power over me. I broke down. I never thought I would get through my freshman year of college, but I did. I was able to find a new counselor and have never stopped going since.

What now? Now you and I work together. I manage life with you much better. I have techniques to keep you from giving me panic attacks and restricting me from living a normal life. I know you don’t define me now. Now you don't control my life, I control you.

Yours truly,

Kaylee

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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An Open Letter To My Anxiety

Now, I control you.

Subscribe to our Newsletter

The struggles of having an RBF are all too real

1. People asking if you're mad at them.

2. Those people who hand out flyers don't always try to stop you.

3. Creepy guys telling you to smile.

4. "I thought you were a bitch when I first met you."

5. People telling you you'd be "so much prettier if you smiled."

6. Doing your makeup and looking great, which somehow intensifies the bitch face.

7. Regularly explaining "it's just my face."

We all go through certain stages when we have a crush, Tina just explains it better.

That moment that someone you never looked twice at suddenly makes you do a double take out of no where.

But you can't have a crush, that's outrageous. It's all in your head.

Because you don't have a crush, there's no reason to tell anyone about anything. Right?

But then they do something irresistible and you start to lose it.

Now accepting the fact you have a crush, you have to keep it under control.

Then there's the part where you tell your friends who will claim they called it.

They'll be excited and cheer you on. That's until they realize that your crush is all you'll be talking about.

Your obsession has become so bad, that your Facebook stalking is getting out of control.

But your friends will try and help move things along any way they can. That doesn't mean it will be any helpful though.

As time goes on, you start having fantasies about the two of you and it's starting to scare you a little.

You can't focus on anything because all your attention is on them and everything they do.

Anybody who comes near your crush is now an enemy, and you are willing to fight for your crush.

When you see them, you act like an idiot. Trying to hide your feelings may not be as discrete as you think.

Keeping your feelings inside will start to be harder and harder until you can't keep it inside anymore.

Who knows, maybe it will work out? Take a chance.

Everybody hurts sometimes.

May the odds be ever in your favor.

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