I’ve started this article a thousand different times, each time trying to encompass all of my ideas, my notes, my thoughts, my research into one concise bank of information that would help everyone understand what I was trying to get across. I have thought so much about this article, and everyone I wanted to reach with it. At times, I felt it far too exhausting to even right on such a topic. It saps the energy out of me.
But someone has to talk about it.
The web definition of mental disorder is as follows: any broad range of medical conditions (such as major depression, schizophrenia, obsessive compulsive disorder, or panic disorder) that are marked primarily by sufficient disorganization of personality, mind, or emotions to impair normal psychological functioning and cause marked distressed or disability and that are typically associated with disruption in normal thinking, feeling, mood, behavior, interpersonal interactions, or daily functioning.
More people than you really think are affected by this disorder of the brain—but, you can’t recognize it. These disorders are known as an ‘invisible illness’. You can’t look at someone and tell that they have depression or anxiety or schizophrenia. This idea of the ‘invisible illness’ also creates a barrier around people who deal with mental disorders and the world that surrounds them. It is like two different planes of existence.
“Every day is different,” Krista Kromer, a close friend, answered when I brought up the question of how her mental disorder affects her daily life and impact her social tendencies, “I could wake up one day feeling like I’m on top of the world, like I can conquer anything. I do get a lot done on those days. On other days, I wake up and my first coherent thought is ‘just don’t even try, it won’t get done anyways’. Those are the worst days. To be honest, I don’t know if it impacts as many people as I think it does. I know it frustrates my family sometimes, but I know that they don’t truly know the extent of what I go through on those bad days.”
It is an up and down cycle, unpredictable, in most cases. This is one major reason as to why we need to destroy the stigma that surrounds mental disorders. In dealing with these disorders, we hurt. It is imperative that we have someone we can talk to about these things. This stigma that has been created, however, makes it very hard to even come out about disorders. Many people are convinced that our disorders don’t even exist. Our disorders are used for our own personal gain. We use it to gain attention, to have people pity us.
I asked another friend about how it makes her feel when people say that those who deal with their disorders just use them for attention, she answered in saying that it made her feel ashamed.
“I don’t want people saying that I’m looking for attention or that I’m faking it.” She wrote.
In a world where we are put down for voicing our disorders, it’s no wonder that many people don’t ever speak up about their issues or what they’re going through. We are mentally fighting every day, and we can’t speak about the battles that go on in our heads in fear that we may be told that we’re ‘faking it’. What kind of life is that? To fight every day and not be able to speak at all about it.
But, why don’t we talk about it? Or, more importantly, why can’t we talk about it? Is it due to the fact that it simply isn’t normal, or is it something more?
With the powerful rise of change happening in the 21st century, I believe that this is the time where we should finally break through this stigma of mental disorders. Yes, it is hard to deal with. Yes, it is a struggle. Yes, it might not be normal. But, that doesn’t mean we have to push it back into the shadows along with all the other things we refuse to face as a nation.
In discussing the issue with a dear friend and young poet, Javan Thomas, he sent me a very insightful piece into his own life, his struggles—something I think that should be said for any and all that deal with mental disorders: “Everyday it gets harder to crawl out of bed and put the clothes in the dirty clothes bin, insignificant tasks seem more like chores each time I do them…I don’t know why I am the way I am, but this devil in my bloodstream will not determine where I go or where I land and for that I can’t stand, but these legs shake more and more everyday under this weight. I will fight, and I will continue to fight without actually knowing how to combat this unknown combatant.”
So, while the world may still not understand our illnesses, while we may still find it hard to speak about the issues we deal with on a day to day basis, that shouldn’t stop you. For ourselves, we must continue to fight. For our families, we must fight. For our hobbies, and everything we find happiness in, we must fight. We must find a happiness, something we delight in, to keep us going—whether that be the happiness of a day without a single breakdown, seeing your best friend smile and crack a joke, listening to your favorite music, watching the clouds move in the sky—we must find it, hold it, and fight for it.
We are not known by our illnesses. The illness is not a part of our name, our appearance, something that someone will read across the top of a resume. They are simply a part of us, and we must accept that as truth. Just because we deal with our disorders, does not mean that they control us or have dominion over our names. There is so much more to us than our disorders. We are people of color, people who have dreams and ideals and different backgrounds, and that is something to be praised. Our diversity matters, our personalities and identities matter.
“This disease does not define who you are. Holding onto past transgressions only causes this stigma to grow and eventually envelope you. Accept the things you can not change and grow stronger to change the things you can for the better. Don’t let the dark snuff out your light.” This advice was given by Javan Thomas, addressing those who deal with mental disorders.
Our light is something that should not ever be blown out. Though we have a disorder, we are still people. We still have quirks and things that make us stand out, and those should be praised. We still have things we love, and those should be cherished. We should live for our lives, not our disorders.
“Mental disorders aren’t something you joke about. You don’t know who around you has one.” Krista writes, expressing her feelings on the notion people joking about mental disorders.
These disorders have become so de-sensitized. People joke about them, so flippantly addressing them and throwing them around.
That is why we must speak up. That is why we must fight. This is something important, and we must fight to be understood.
To those dealing with mental disorders, you should never feel ashamed or disgraced because you do. Seek help, find someone to talk to. Never allow your disorder to take over. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. And to those who have friends who deal with these disorders, support is always key. Knowing that someone has our back is one of the most reassuring things we can grasp onto.
Fight. Even when you don’t think you can, fight. There is so much more for you besides this disorder.
You are you
And that is something far greater than any disorder.
