President Barack Obama signed the Campus Sexual Violence Elimination, or SaVE Act, in March of 2013 and it went into effect earlier this week. The legislation puts a larger burden on universities and colleges when facing sexual assault allegations. These new regulations are aimed at prevention and informing students of possible avenues following such instances. If universities or colleges fail to meet the new regulations they will face a $35,000 fine and the possible losses of federal funding.

Within the same week as the SaVE Act took effect, three former students of the University of California, Berkeley filed a lawsuit against the school for the mishandling of each of their sexual assault cases. Each of these young women were sexual assaulted and did what, according to dosomething.org, only five percent of victims in college do – report the incident. Instead of being met with sympathy, support and assistance they were rudely greeted with being shamed, and not involved or informed about their cases.

Even before this lawsuit was filed, the University of California, Berkeley, was under investigation due to concerns about their compliance in their handling of sexual violence cases as outlined by Title IX. They are, as of April 1^st, one of 106 colleges or universities under federal investigation. This number has almost doubled in the past eleven months (there were 55 schools in hot water as of May 1, 2014). Regardless of what the standards are, the fact that it is common for schools not to handle sexual violence cases up to the government’s standards is disgusting and truly disheartening.

It doesn’t make sense – why is rape common on college campus? Why is it so difficult to provide a sexual assault survivor with the proper resources? Why does it seem like universities are fighting against sexual violence awareness groups? Obviously no one encourages sexual violence, but why is blaming the victim common? Can we finally take an active and definitive stand?

These three brave women were trying to do just that by filing this lawsuit against the university. It’s a shame that these women need be revered as heroes for this – but they are trying to end an injustice, and so is Emma Sulkowicz.

In an act of bravery and defiance, Emma Sulkowicz carried around a 50-pound mattress wherever she went on campus at Columbia University. Sulkowicz bluntly told the university officials that she would stop her personal demonstration when her attacker was expelled – she carried that mattress up to the stage as she accepted her diploma this past May. As Sulkowicz walked up to the graduation ceremony, many women helped her carry the mattress, some literally, but most metaphorically as they shared her pain. Still not one man helped her, and the university viewed it as an act of defiance. Why was Sulkowicz viewed as the ‘bad guy’ in this situation? She has become an icon in the fight against sexual assault and how to properly handle such cases. It is about time we see Emma Sulkowicz’s fight against sexual violence on college campuses as a hero, and come along side her – men, women, and administrators.

Of the 106 universities that are under investigation, Columbia University is not one of them. When Sulkowicz protested how Columbia handled her sexual assault case as well as many others, she was doing it against a school administration that apparently met the government criteria for acceptably handling cases of sexual assault. If Columbia University was doing enough, according to Title IX, then one can only imagine what a school must do – or not do – to warrant an investigation. The fact that a school can be above the government standard, and still handle sexual assault cases so poorly speaks to the culture society has built.

Sulkowicz is not the only college student trying to raise awareness and safety among college female students. Over the past couple years, students at the University of North Carolina invented a nail polish that changes colors when it comes in contact with drugs intended to incapacitate women. Initially the group of students was met with an overwhelming outpour of positivity via their facebook page.

There is a checklist for women on ‘easy’ ways to prevent sexual assault and putting on nail polish might be added to it. Women are expected to never: wear revealing clothing, travel alone, leave their drink unattended to, or get drunk. Now society is considering the possibility of making women wear this new brand of nail polish too? Instead of just adding things to the checklist for what women should do to avoid sexual violence, when can we put some of the responsibility on men?

The society we live in needs to change. Every day women are the victims of sexual violence, but they often choose to remain quiet because they fear the negative repercussions that would ensue. No victim should ever be afraid to speak up when they have been violated. Every individual has the right to feel safe in their own skin and yet, many women are constantly afraid for that dreaded day that hopefully will never come.

Women carry a fear every day that I, as a male, can never truly comprehend no matter how hard I try.

Up until I started my freshman year at American University last fall, I had been pretty sheltered. I lived in a safe area – never worrying about where I’d sleep at night, where my next meal would come from, and arguably the most important one, I never felt threatened in my own skin. I was born with a penis. That Y-chromosome that made me a male has made my life exponentially safer. But I never truly saw or felt the injustices of gender inequality and safety until I got to AU.

After a year at American, I’m disgusted and repulsed. The moment that stands alone in my memory was the night of Monday, April 13^th. That night, I stood outside the steps of the Kay Spiritual Life Center with a group of students. We were all fixated on a single microphone that was positioned in front of the group. One by one, courageous women walked up to that microphone to share their story of being assaulted. Each time, I felt a ping in my chest, had to take a deep breath and after a while, I cried. I was shocked and dismayed by not only the sheer number of women who had these horrific stories, but what terrified me most was how many of these women I was friends with.

These young women were courageous. They stood up in front of hundreds of people and shared what I can only imagine to be their most terrifying secret. It was amazing to see the strength and bravery. But at the same time, I felt myself feeling defensive. A part of me wanted to go up to that microphone and scream “NOT ALL GUYS ARE LIKE THAT!” The problem is that this one particular thought that a large majority of men have when discussing sexual violence is irrelevant. At some points when I reflect on sexual assault, I still feel the need to defend myself. I occasionally get the urge to scream about how I’m not one of “them.” I want the world to know that I am not someone who would take advantage of someone who cannot, or does not consent. Never. A significant majority of men are in this boat with me. They want the world to differentiate them from the monsters. It’s understandable, and yet, it’s also selfish.

That’s the problem right there – this issue is bigger than myself or any one man and it’s easy to forget that. I may not be a monster, and neither are most men. But it is time to look at the bigger issue. There are monsters out there, willing to do disgusting things for their own gain. Things would be significantly easier and safer for women if those monsters labeled themselves, but they don’t. Whenever women are in public, they scan a crowd and see men; there is no way to know who would make inappropriate advances. That’s why this issue is bigger than any one single man. It doesn’t matter that I cannot even fathom the idea of doing anything so repulsive, because people who do not know me do not know that. That’s the awful part – women are forced to constantly and continuously have their guard up because they truly have no clue who their attacker could be.

Every woman is taught a number of things as they go through their adolescent years. They should not dress a certain way or “she is asking for it.” But how is that a legitimate justification for assault or rape? Does that mean a young black man is asking to be racially profiled for sagging his pants and maybe having a tattoo? Are Muslim women asking to be the victims of Islamophobia because they wear a hijab? Is a Jewish man asking for anti-Semitic acts perpetrated against him for wearing a Yakima or Star of David? The answer is very simple, two letters, one of the first words a toddler learns – NO. Done. End of discussion.

Since that night, when my naivety and ignorance truly vanished, I’ve had multiple friends confiding in me about similar incidents. Each time I reacted the same way. My hands clenched into fists. I got really quiet. My face turned red. Then I needed a minute to calm down before continuing the conversation. These stories cut me deep, many made me want to cry, if not actually making me cry.

This issue is important. It is not enough for every woman to stand up against this type of behavior. It’s not just a women’s problem. It’s about time men took a legitimate stand. It’s not enough for one group to speak out – everyone needs to. Men want to prove you’re not a monster, then prove it. Protect, women, and call out the men who don’t understand the seriousness of sexual assault. It is time for men to comprehend this one fact – it does not matter if you’re “not like that” because women are constantly fearful for their safety whenever they spot an unfamiliar male and it needs to change.

The are 106 universities that are currently under investigation for failing to comply with the standards set in Title IX. There is an impending lawsuit about how a university handled sexual assault complaints, and new legislation that will hopefully dramatically effect campuses. So men, it our turn to actively join the fight against sexual violence.