People say you only need one man to love you, one man to find a way into your life and heart, and make you love like crazy. I am not the type of person who let someone just waltz right into my heart, let alone my life and expect everything to be genuine. It’s not a hidden secret. I have trust issues. Looking back on past relationships with guys, it was a rollercoaster of raw emotion. Being lied to and dumped time after time took a toll on me, so I promised myself that my guard was up for good until I met someone who was worth it to let that guard down, and I’m almost confident that I found someone who changed my outlook on all guys, and has been an influential part of my life.
I remember the day like it was yesterday, December 5, 2013, all thanks to twitter. Yeah, I know, what has this generation come to that social networking is to thank for relationships. As I was saying, I received a notification on my phone from twitter saying that so and so favored a tweet of mine. It wasn’t just one tweet, it was multiple. I decided to do my twitter creeping and see what this guy was all about. Based on his twitter picture he was attractive, he was tan, had thick perfectly arched eyebrows, brown eyes and hair and a perfect jawline. I decided to message him and ask if he enjoyed stalking my tweets. He replied within minutes, and it started a conversation that lasted about two days until he found enough courage to ask for my phone number.
Him texting me turned into a game of 21 questions, but I didn’t mind it because he seemed interested in getting to know me. We hit it off automatically; we had so much in common, not to mention that we went to the same high school so we had mutual friends. The fact that he was a year younger than me and had a reputation of a “bad boy” was a major turn off, but the way he spoke was so sincere he had a wonderful way with words. My friends encouraged me to go for it and to hang out with him, but I wasn’t feeling it one bit. I decided to hang out with him anyways just for the hell of it.
We stopped at a local pizzeria one day after school and grabbed a couple of slices. He paid which earned major brownie points in my book, but he also kept me entertained and made me feel comfortable. We both had practice at four. He played basketball and I cheered, so we went back to school which was only right up the street. Before we went our separate ways, he took my hand and said, “I had fun and I hope you did too, hope I earned a second date.” I gave him the cold shoulder and replied with a “maybe” in a dull, stern tone of voice. You can tell that he was taken aback a little because he didn’t say anything back, just smiled and left.
We had on and off conversations. Through texting he hinted that he was interested in a relationship, but I flat out told him that I wasn’t and that I enjoyed being single. I gave him an option of wanting to be friends with benefits, where we hooked up occasionally but didn’t have a relationship title. He said yes without hesitation, but then summer came along and that’s were things became messy.
I was a high school graduate wanting to have the summer of my life before my friends and I went our separate ways. Partying became an every night thing and hooking up with guys from there to there were also a thing. Vicente and I still kept the friends with benefits title, but the thing is, he told me how he felt about me a couple weeks prior to the random hookups. He explained he caught feelings from the moment we met, he described how beautiful I was inside and out, how strong and smart he thought I was, how I intimidated him, but in the best way possible and so forth. I brushed it off as I didn’t care. I had feelings for this guy, but I didn’t want to admit it, not to him and not even to myself. I basically exclaimed that he wasn’t what I wanted and that I knew he would end up hurting me in the long run. I went on and told him about my history with guys and how I never had a male figure in my life and how relationships scared me.
All he said was he’d wait when I’m ready just let him know. Well, it’s safe to say that I never let him know. It was the end of August and everyone was getting ready to leave for school, we were still friends and texted every day until he told me that we couldn’t talk anymore because he had a girlfriend. I was in shock. I didn’t think it would hurt me as much as I thought it would, but it sure did. I stated that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him, and I wished him and his new girlfriend the best. That was a lie, I wanted him to be mine, and I wanted no one else to have him. A couple days passed, and he informed me that he broke up with his girlfriend for me. I was confused but at the same time happy. He asked me a question that I’ll never forget. He asked me what I wanted to which I bluntly told him “you.”
It took a while to get what we both wanted, but in the end it was worth the wait. He was mine and I was his, until he did the inevitable. I found out that on Halloween while I was home he was hooking up with another girl. I absolutely lost it. I might’ve had a couple rough relationships, but I was never cheated on, and for someone who I viewed more different than from most, it was hard for me to take in. I eventually broke up with him because what girl would voluntarily stay with a cheater? The break up didn’t last for too long. My grandmother passed away unexpectedly, and he was the one I turned to for support and comfort. He cried with me, I cried with him, he explained everything that happened and begged and pleaded for forgiveness to the point where I wanted him back ironically enough. It’s been six months since we first started dating and he recently told me that it feels like we’ve known each other for three years, which is completely true. We’ve been through so much in such little time, we helped each other grow and know each other’s flaws and imperfections, but most importantly, we influenced each other.
He influenced me in a different way. Not in a way where I look up to him, but in a way where I can thank him. He taught me that I need to stop thinking all guys are the same and their intentions are not to hurt me. He taught me that in order to love someone, I need to love myself first. He influenced me to have an open mind and let my guard down and because of this, I’m growing into someone I thought I’d never become, a victim of love.
