Since first airing in 2005, “Supernatural” has been a huge part of my life. It started when I was 16, and I have essentially grown up with the story, the characters, and the actors ever since. Throughout the year, the cast of the show attends conventions in different cities across the U.S., and some even overseas. At the cons there are panels, photo ops, autographs, a Saturday Night Special concert, and more. For years I have closely followed the conventions, never believing I would get the chance to attend, and instead created panel summaries through livetweets to help other fans experience the panels in some way. On a whim, though, I recently decided that attending the convention in Houston, Texas on January 27-29 would be worth the money – as well as the opportunity to meet many friends, and the cast.

One of my biggest concerns was attending a weekend-long event with my anxiety. At the con, there were plenty of times where I felt the familiar and comforting pull of avoidance, excuses filtering through my brain, and always right on the tip of my tongue. It was overwhelming. While tempted to avoid and not participate, I kept reminding myself that I would regret all of those missed opportunities if I allowed myself to give in. I ignored all of the justifications my brain tried to throw at me, resisted certain urges brought on by my OCD and, no matter how nervous or anxious I became, forced myself to push through, and I am grateful I did. I knew there were plenty others like me there, and we were all in this together.

Meeting the cast of my favorite television show was amazing enough in itself, but the best thing about the convention was getting to meet so many of my online friends in person. I was nervous, though. Would I be awkward or embarrassing? Would they get to know me and realize that in person I am not as great as they assumed I was online? You try to ignore these thoughts when they worm their way in, but I’ve learned from my psychologists that you have to accept the thoughts, and then try to push them away so that they do not have control over you, or your emotions. So, I did my best to acknowledge their presence without slipping into a depressed state. I listened to what my thoughts were telling me, and then, working through my mindfulness techniques, I was able to confront them with logical rebuttal’s that helped to ease my “what if” anxieties.

The unexpected interactions over my five days in Houston was part of what made the convention so special. Only two hours after I arrived at the Hilton Hotel where I was staying, and the convention was taking place, I met Chris Schmelke, an amazing photographer and bass player, who shoots the photo ops at the conventions for Creation Entertainment. Besides being incredibly talented, he is also one of the sweetest, most genuine people I have ever had the pleasure to meet. I noticed him walking by in the lobby while I was waiting to check into my room, his height and beanie immediately giving him away. I smiled at him and he waved back, but I suddenly froze and quickly looked away. After a moment I noticed he was gone, but I felt terrible for not waving back when he did. I quickly sent him a message on Twitter, telling him I was sorry for not waving, and that I was just nervous. I never once thought he would actually see the message or have the time to respond, so imagine my surprise when a few minutes later Chris appeared out of nowhere to give me a hug and tell me not to be nervous. Not long after, Chris and I were taking a selfie and talking about our mutual friend, Amy (a fellow fan and an another amazing photographer; this article's cover photo is one of her amazing shots from the convention). I’m very grateful to Chris for taking the time to make my experience even more special.

Jared Padalecki (Sam Winchester) has a very talented sister, Megan Padalecki, who writes children’s books and is wonderfully artistic. Megan will often come to the conventions to hang out in the vendor’s room selling, and signing her books, as well as her prints. She ended up being at the convention with their parents, and I took the opportunity to purchase a couple of her items and to have a lovely chat with her; and the Padalecki’s (including reassuring Mr. Padalecki that yes, I was, indeed, a Sam girl).

The panels over the weekend were hilarious, informative and heartwarming, and I had nothing but great experiences during my autos and photo ops. The ops go by quickly, so I made sure to get hug poses for most of them because getting to hug the people that have had such a huge impact on my life was important to me. Jared was super enthusiastic about giving hugs, exclaiming “Fuck yeah!” when I asked him for one. I had a second photo op with him and he ended up deciding on the pose: him hugging me from behind and me trying to hold it together as I gripped his arm. He told me he loved my shirt, which was a design he and Jensen Ackles (Dean Winchester) created for Jared's Always Keep Fighting campaign for mental health awareness. I thanked him, wishing I had more time to express just how grateful I was for everything he has done for me, and others over the years.

While I loved the many photo ops I took - especially shared ones with my friends - my favorite op was my second one with Jared and Jensen. I wanted the chance to hug both of them, my own silent way of saying thank you, and how much they mean to me as human beings.

Getting autographs with the cast was easily the most intimidating part of the entire weekend. The entire cast are all very kind and genuine people, but standing right in front of them looking them in the eye with this sudden opportunity to speak with them (however briefly) is intensely emotional. Most of my autos were quick and easy, the cast (such as Mark Sheppard, Richard Speight, Jr., and Rob Benedict) offering smiles as I thanked each of them throughout the weekend. There were two specific ones, however, that stood out. One was with Misha Collins (Castiel), who I could tell during photo ops was tired and affected by current events. Feeling the need to reach out, calming my nerves by reminding myself that we are all just human beings, I had him sign our photo op together before telling him: “I wanted to thank you for everything you do to help and take care of others, and I hope you take care of yourself as well.” Misha smiled and thanked me, and I could tell he was touched by what I said. I know it’s just a little thing, but it felt good to make him smile, and to remind him he needs to take care of himself, too.

Saturday night, before the amazing SNS concert hosted by Rob's band, Louden Swain, was the only tough one I had. All of my emotions, both my own, and absorbed from other fans and the cast, became overwhelming, resulting in a tearful breakdown in a Whataburger parking lot as I could no longer internalize it. Luckily, I was surrounded by my wonderful group of friends that allowed me to decompress and helped me pull through.

Jared's auto was a very powerful experience that I'll never forget. I know that Jared has previously struggled with not believing that he deserves happiness and learning to love himself. I wanted to say something briefly to remind him that he is as worthy as the next person to be happy. After he signed my op, I showed him the Always Keep Fighting tattoo on my arm and thanked him for the campaign. Then, after taking a breath, I looked him in the eye and I told him that every ounce of love he receives he deserves. I saw the change in his face immediately and could tell he was genuinely touched. He put his hand up and interlaced his fingers with mine. He kept repeating, “As do you, as do you” and we held eye contact until I finally (I think) said thank you. I may have nodded or smiled, but I don’t remember what my face was doing, mostly just the eye contact and the emotions passing over his face. As I was walking away he said, “Thank you, darling,” with the same sincere expression. I didn’t realize until later that he probably kept repeating “as do you” because I wasn’t responding. He only let go when I acknowledged in some way what he was saying, that I deserve every ounce of love I receive, too. Maybe something in my face revealed that I don’t always believe that about myself, because he was saying those words while gripping my hand tightly, never looking away. I walked out of the op shaking (which was an entirely new experience because I’ve never responded like that after meeting someone) because knowing I made some kind of impact on someone I look up to, this amazing man that I have so much love for, and feel I can, in some ways, relate to, was such an emotional moment. I am forever grateful I was able to get the words out, and for Jared being as incredible as he is. I had wanted to say something to Jensen as well, but by the time we reached his table I was still reeling from my experience with Jared, I didn’t think I had the capability to form the words I wanted to say to him. Also, I was able to witness the amazing moment my friend, Lysa, had with Jensen during autos right before it was my turn, and that was enough for me.

The entire experience would have been nothing without my group of friends that converged onto Houston, Texas from all over to spend this wonderful weekend together. It was my first time getting to meet friends that I had gotten to know specifically online, and it was like I had known each of them for years. We had an incredible ease and comfortability together, and my memories with them are the most precious to me from the entire weekend. Being completely removed from reality and responsibility for a few days is exactly what I needed to decompress, but it would not have been as significant without my friends.

Thank you to the cast of “Supernatural,” the volunteers and to Houston for an amazing weekend and creating such a welcoming space. I look forward to more convention adventures in the future.