Unless you have been living under a Hollywood rock for the last week you have probably heard about Amber Heard and Johnny Depp’s divorce. What seemed to be a simple issue of age difference or jumping into marriage too fast quickly took a turn when pictures of Heard surfaced with a bruised face allegedly caused by Depp.

The issue in this media frenzy is not, however, the allegations of abuse; it is how the media has reacted to these allegations. Somehow throughout all of this devastation, Heard has ended up being the cause of the marriage ending. Instead of the public focusing on what could be the disintegration of one of Hollywood’s most famous actor’s, it is focusing on what could Heard have done to cause the divorce. Tabloids claim infidelity, her sexuality or her need for attention are reasons that the marriage may have ended. The pictures of Heard’s face with a bruised eye and busted lip are left out of the conversation, while people focus on the fact that “one of Hollywood’s top babes is back on the market.” One meme even went so far as to claim that Heard should have been thankful that Depp hit her because she had the privilege of being in his presence.

The whole conversation surrounding this divorce is a serious form of messed up. Heard can’t be pictured smiling without people claiming that she was faking everything and only wanted the upper hand in divorce settlements. But the worst part about this instance is that it has happened before. And not only has it happened before, but it seems to be a trend. Think back to 2009 when you were most likely somewhere in your awkward high school years jamming out to the likes of SOS or Pon De Replay by Rihanna. You know what Rihanna was dealing with in 2009? Chris Brown. The superstar couple seemed to have it all, but when Brown was charged with assault, Rihanna was the one who ended up taking cover. If you look at Brown’s career today, the assault charge is a small blip on his otherwise successful career path. The fact that a man in society can abuse a woman and society focus on what the woman must have done to cause the abuse is the real issue at stake.

Another case that has been highly publicized the last few months has been the case of Kesha and Dr. Luke. People claim that Kesha wanted more money or just wanted attention to springboard her comeback, but what they fail to realize is the control that the likes of Dr. Luke still have on her. Her performance at the BBMAs was completely controlled by Dr. Luke despite claims that Sony made that she wouldn’t have to work with him anymore.

On a smaller level, we can look at celebrities like Selena Gomez or Taylor Swift who walk into an interview and have to immediately discuss their personal lives before they can even broach the topic of their success. Theirs is not the same story of physical abuse, but it is the story of media abuse. The media only wants a story where the man comes out on top, deserved or not. These victims are expected to fade into the darkness and become lost stories while the abusers rise to success and their indiscretions are forgotten. We need to change the language surrounding these victims. Amber Heard’s lesbian friend group are not the reason for her marriage ending. Rihanna did not provoke Chris Brown to hit her. Kesha should not be thankful for all that Dr. Luke has done for her while accepting the abuse she endured. Taylor should not feel guilty writing songs about her personal life. And Selena should not have to constantly talk about how her break-up with Justin Bieber affected her. These abuses, big or small, belittle women and make it feel like all we are worth are the men we surround ourselves with, be that good men or abusive men. That is simply not the truth. As Beyonce says, “okay ladies now let’s get in formation” and change the language surrounding media abuse.