Down-to-earth: with no illusions or pretensions; practical and realistic.

There’s a phrase that’s been floating around for quite sometime that I’ve overheard in every conversation, rom com and family drama. That phrase is “down to Earth.” It's been used as this catch all phrase that doesn’t address the nuance and complexity of an individual’s personality. There’s no wiggle room for interpretation. Once you’ve been labeled down to Earth, that’s it. That’s all you are. How down to Earth someone can be, has a wide range, just as each deep conversation has varying levels of depth. In this article I'll be categorizing the different tiers so we can accurately assess how down to Earth the people in our life truly are.

Tier 1: The Milky Way

People who are as down to earth as the milky way aren’t very down to Earth, but show flashes on occasion. For instance milky way people tend to frame themselves as extremely moral and upstanding citizens on social media. However, once you hangout with them in person all they elect to talk about are reality TV shows and pizza toppings. They'll have the occasional moment of insight but don't normally choose to show that side of themselves around others.

Their diet consists of 30% Ruffles and 60% chicken nuggets. Some classic milky way phrases are:

“That’s so funny.”
“OMG. I’m dying.”
“I was doing some Red Cross stuff last weekend. Didn’t you see my snap?”

Tier 2: Stratosphere

Those who are as down to Earth as the stratosphere are moderately down to Earth. They have a high tendency to bring up tofu in casual conversation and have an above average appreciation for wild animals. Their diet consists of 85% wheat pasta and 30% kale chips. Some classic stratosphere phrases are:

“My aunt who lives in Boulder got me this bracelet.”
“My middle name is downward dog.”
“Pass the hummus.”

Tier 3: Ozone Layer

The ozone layer is where 60% of all people that are down to Earth will find themselves. These are the people who are pretty down to Earth but only when it’s convenient. These are the chameleon down to Earthers. Depending on the social setting, these individuals will either exhibit high level down to Earthness or completely eradicate it from their personality. These are the master code switchers who are down to Earth with their close friends one night, but the next day, act boujee to impress old buddies from high school. Their diet consists of 62% high fructose corn syrup and 14% mud. Some common ozone layer phrases are:

“I don’t normally have deep conversations on the first date.”
“Don’t talk to me til I’ve had my Jamba Juice.”
“Sara Bareilles is my spirit animal.”

Tier 4: In The Clouds

People that are as down to Earth as the clouds, find themselves at an above average level of down to Earthness. They show genuine interest in people’s lives and don’t get too caught up on superficial issues. Despite being more down to Earth than not, their achilles heel is they're easily seduced by their own doubts. They think “Being down to Earth is kind of exhausting. Maybe I’ll be happier if I stopped being the bigger person all the time and just embraced my inner pettiness.” Once they can relinquish this lingering doubt, then they can move up to tier 5. Their diet consists of 25% pumpernickel bread 41% pinto beans and 18% kombucha. Hallmark phrases include:

“I won’t be home til late mom. I’m volunteering at the animal shelter.”
“You call THAT cream cheese?”
“I’d like to know about the last time you cried in public.”

Tier 5: That midpoint during skydiving where you're in between the sky and the ground

Tier 5s are the epitome of consistency. There’s no code switching or self-doubt. The only aspect that’s holding tier 5s back from becoming a fully evolved tier 6 is the general mastery of the craft. Tier 6 down to Earthers allow others to flourish in their presence as well. Tier 5s are only able to get others comfortable in their skin. They lack the ability to convince the other person to let their guard down. Tier 5s have exceptional listening skills and are uniquely adept at reading others body language. Their diet consists of 95% almond milk and 38% homemade tortilla chips

Standard phrases include:

“I fell in love 3 times this year. Each time was with myself.”
“I noticed you crossed your arms after telling me nothing was wrong. Why’d you do that?”
“For every downpour in my soul, a single tear falls from my eye.”

Tier 6: Core Of The Earth

Individuals who are as down to Earth as the core of the Earth aren’t to be trifled with. They have mastered their craft and are the ultimate peacemakers and stress handlers. Being this down to earth is akin to being Spiderman. With great power comes great responsibility. Core Of The Earth-ers (I’ll refer to as COTEs) typically find themselves on the receiving end of countless friends and acquaintances spilling their guts. They handle these tense and uncomfortable situations with commanding grace and poise. They are free of judgement and can view the person objectively without incorporating self-serving agendas into their responses.

This allows the other person to bring their walls down and become truly vulnerable. COTEs don’t view personal interactions as one giant act of social climbing. They appreciate every conversation with the same attentiveness and intrigue. They’d have the same enthusiasm talking to Elon Musk as they would with a school janitor. People this down to Earth, rarely find themselves glued to LED screens. They typically spend a majority of their time on trees, nature and the pages of a tightly bounded journal.

COTEs diet consists of 50% fresh air 20% vitamin water and 77% humble pie.

Their top phrases:

“I’m a fan of people.”
“Stop it. You’re gonna make me cry!”
“If a genie granted me 3 wishes, I’d use the first two to make the ground grow arms and the last to hug it.”