Coming out is a process just like anything else, and it takes time. I felt there was a need for articles on The Odyssey that showcase the stages of the process. I know that when I was coming to terms, I Googled constantly, read countless articles, and watched YouTube video after YouTube video, trying to find my place in it all. This article will be part of what I hope will be a little mini-series that can shed light on the whole process and a way for me to share my story.

I wish that whoever reads this gets a better understand of what it means to identify as LGBTQ+. I really hope that if someone out there is questioning whether they are or not, that maybe my words could be a source of comfort and understanding.

Coming out to yourself happens in stages. Writing part of my story down like this makes it feel like a textbook coming out process. There was this girl, and then this girl, which is true, but some much of this process happens below the surface. It's an emotional roller-coaster filled with self-doubt and confusion.

For most people, it seems that they knew at a very young age and that was the case for me. I'll go ahead and address the question on everyone's mind.

"How could a child know that at such a young age?"

How did you know you were straight? How did you know you would identify as male or female? Was it a part of you? Was at the core of your being? Did you always know? Was it how you were made?

Yep, that's how we know where we fit on the spectrum. Same way you know where you fit on the spectrum. It isn't any different.

I knew I liked girls back in my preschool, kindergarten days, but everyone was running around on the playground kissing and giggling. At that age, you know how you feel, but you don't have the words.

I had a grade-school crush and we would hold hands. It was innocent, though. I liked books and she liked horses. Everyone thought we were weird, so I told her we couldn't be friends anymore.

I made a new friend in fourth grade and we played soccer together. One day, I spent the night at her house and she kissed me. I then avoided her like the plague and we stopped being friends.

More new friends in middle school. We set out to conquer middle school together. Middle school is a weird and awkward part of life. Everyone's hormones are revving their engines. So of course, I developed a crush on one of my friends and things got really weird. I bet you can guess how our friendship ended. I told her we couldn't be friends anymore.

More new friends in high school. Anyone sensing a pattern? This time, though, the story is a little different. At this point, I had heard the word "gay" thrown around as an insult countless times. I had heard my teachers and pastors drag the word through the mud. I was smart enough to realize that whatever happened before needed to go. I knew and understood what it meant to be attracted to girls, so I set out to change that. There was no way in hell I was telling anyone that I liked girls, and there was definitely no way I was going to be called gay. I knew I couldn't handle the hate and the discrimination, so I attempted to fix myself. I thought I could pray it away and God could fix me or that maybe if I dated the right guy, I could be straight. Surprisingly, it didn't work.

Oddly enough I have new friends in college, but it has nothing to do with my sexuality. That's just how college works. It wasn't until July of this previous year that I finally said the words to myself. Shockingly, my mirror-self wasn't surprised that I was gay. I carried this secret around for years and I was tired of trying to mask it and pretending that it didn't exist, so I sought out counseling (good thing my university offers free counseling). Honestly, this was one of the best decisions I have ever made. It allowed me to work through the self-hate and come to terms with the fact that I couldn't stay in the closet for everyone else's happiness. It also forced me to face my sexuality head on, instead of running from it like I did in the past.

There is such peace in finally accepting yourself. You're going to be scared for what the future holds, because of the uncertainty and the fear of other's reaction. But relish in your bravery and courage of telling yourself, because you are the only person that can judge you.

Now go be your queer self, because you aren't going anywhere!

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