I thought I was in love with you.

I thought I was in love with you on October 8th, when all we did was lay in the hammock and you covered us up when the kids came running by because you thought I was asleep but how could I sleep with you so close to me?

I thought I was in love with you on October 22nd, because you still came to Homecoming even though I had been a grouch for the past few days and you thought I was mad at you but really I was just annoyed with school.

I thought I was in love with you on October 29th, because we went on a road trip and you kept asking if I was okay all day because of stupid girl problems and even though all I wanted to do was sleep, you still tried to make the best of the day and it was one of the best, trust me.

I thought I was in love with you on November 2nd because you insisted on seeing me the following Sunday and Monday even though you had to work and would have to leave really early on Tuesday and I had school so you had to work around that as well.

I thought I was in love with you on Novemeber 20th because you let me sleep all day instead of trying to get me to go out because I wasn't feeling well and I thought that was what love was. Putting the other's needs above your wants.

I thought I was in love with you when you drove all the way to see me even though I was busy with school and work and I even snapped at you a few times and yet, you still said you had a good time and kissed me goodnight.

I thought I was in love with you on December 3rd because even though I asked you if you wanted to meet my family on that day almost a month and a half before, it turned out you were busy but you still apologized profusely all day.

I thought I was in love with you on December 23rd because you offered to get gas for my car just so that I would be able to drive up and see you that day even though I told you I would never let you buy gas for my car because of an idea I got in my head years ago about boyfriends buying their girlfirends everything and I refused so we didn't see each other because I wasn't going to be in that type of relationship.

I thought I was in love with you on December 29th when you kept asking to see me though I was on break and just wanted to spend time with family instead because I hadn't seen most of them in so long.

I thought I was in love with you.

But I couldn't be because of the complete emptiness I felt inside on January 11th.

I thought I was in love with you but really, I couldn't be because I knew it could never last. We're going in opposite directions with parallel endings.

We completely missed each other in passing or maybe we just tried too soon. Or maybe I'm just trying to come up with excuses for this.

I thought I was in love with you but I was just trying to convince myself that something as bright as you could pop into my life so early and for that, I truly am sorry. Because you were one of the brightest things to come into my life. I never meant for it to end the way we did and maybe I'm going to hell for it, who knows? And I know one doesn't go to hell for something like this but it truly feels as if I murdered something in the process of trying to find out where I'm going. I truly thought I was in love with you, but maybe I was just in love with the idea of you.