A word commonly placed as a modifier to masculinity is ‘fragile’. An equally common description for feminists is ‘angry’. I’d like to take a moment, dear reader, to ponder why that is.
Is it because all feminists across the board really are angry? Even if that were true, I don’t think that anyone could argue that no one, feminist or not, has nothing to be angry about. Is it because all men walk around wrapped in an eggshell of their own ego? Now, that just seems unnecessarily harsh.
Could it be that when we make these observations, we’re not talking about the people themselves, but rather the environment that has fostered traits associated with both to be seen in a certain way? Men love to call women angry feminists when they defend themselves and marginalized communities. This is generally true, but in a very loose sense of the word. They do not mean the very real and justified sentiment of anger that comes about when one does not have basic human rights, no. They mean angry in the sense that any opposition from those they oppress is seen as an unnatural and upsetting disruption to the natural order of things, and they have to discredit any validity their arguments may have by calling them angry. Because women are too emotional, their anger must be unwarranted. Because women exist, they must be weaker than you are.
Masculinity is fragile not because all men are fragile, but because all men are human. No human perfectly conforms to the expectations of any social class, label, or group. Men cannot help having feelings and being ‘different’ from the narrowly defined norm. For every man who tosses back six-packs of dollar store beer, binge-watches the action movie channels, and is all about sports and ‘manly’ colored clothing, there is another man who should not be invalidated. A man who has wondered why his male peers attack him so fiercely for sympathizing with women. A man who has been called ‘PC’ as if it is some type of slur for suggesting that unwanted sexual aggression should be replaced with mutual respect. A boy who just likes the color pink and wants his mother to let him wear it, for a change.
Rather than calling the next feminist on Twitter an angry, hormonal (insert gendered insult here), rather than sneering when your boyfriend is hesitant to swap out date night’s movie for a cheesy romance flick, consider reflecting on how feminism can benefit both of you. Feminists, let men know why their coding of you as ‘angry’ is problematic and why, even if you are angry, it’s more than justified. On the same note, men, do not ask for emotional labor from the oppressed. Instead, seek to understand. It is only in an environment of maturity and adult behavior that anyone will garner any sympathy.
The patriarchy does not leave any stones unturned when it comes to slighting someone for their humanity. We should not leave any of our own unturned when looking for a solution.
“As a feminist, I know that breaking down the toxic social expectations around women is work intended to free them. To allow them to experience life and been understood as the whole and complicated people we all are. I know that men are just as trapped and just as much in need of liberation. That is, if they can face their fears of anything coded as feminine, gay, or merely different. Aren’t men supposed to be brave?
Men don’t have to be anything. You just have to be you. Fuck defining that.” (Greenwald, David. "Dear Men: Toxic Masculinity Is Imprisoning Us, and It's Time to Set Ourselves Free." Everyday Feminism. N.p., 08 Jan. 2016. Web. 30 Nov. 2016.)
