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Mascot Rankings: MLB

"Take me out to the ballgame."

Emily Fustos

Oct 21, 2020

Mississippi State University

198

https://twitter.com/Rockies/status/1310344607146717184/photo/4

The World Series is upon us and that's fun and all, but we've seen that before. Two teams duking it out for one to come out on top- that's old news. Instead of battling for the most runs, they should be battling for best mascot, because there's some doozies among the bunch. I'm ranking all 30 of the MLB mascots (in their ability to fight it out), and this is a little trickier than my usual mascot articles. Most of these teams have a general name and logo to represent them but an entirely different mascot that runs around the stadium. I'm sort of just taking that all into account, because this is my article, and I make the rules.

30. Cleveland Indians

https://twitter.com/Indians/status/1300452812422250497/photo/3

Mascot: Indians/ Slider (Whatever the heck that is)

My Ranking: 30- Change your name & logo to something less offensive, then we'll talk.

29. Atlanta Braves

https://twitter.com/Braves/status/1131919874668867584/photo/1

Mascot: Braves/ Blooper (Another nondescript monster thing)

My Ranking: 29- If you look up the meaning behind this name, I don't know if it's much better than the last one.

28. Oakland Athletics

https://twitter.com/ForTheWin/status/873903915498176512/photo/1

Mascot: Athletics/ Stomper (Why couldn't they just be the Oakland Elephants? I love elephants)

My Ranking: 28- It feels like they set the bar really low here.

27. Cincinnati Reds

https://twitter.com/Reds/status/1311699451803820034/photo/2

Mascot: Reds/ Gapper (couldn't find a good picture)

My Ranking: 27- I'm not going to lie, this name had me a little worried, but they checked out. It's in reference to their socks, and they aren't the only ones.

26. Boston Red Sox

https://twitter.com/NESN/status/1090386189788631040/photo/1

Mascot: Red Sox/ Wally (Kind of looks like Oscar the Grouch)

My Ranking: 26- Them too.

25. Chicago White Sox

https://twitter.com/Southpaw/status/1302662142118723585/photo/1

Mascot: White Sox/ Southpaw (Someone on the White Sox marketing/media team needs a raise lol)

My Ranking: 25- And them. I like socks as much as the next person but naming a whole team after them seems like a stretch.

24. New York Mets

https://twitter.com/WEWS/status/870235540691369985/photo/1

Mascot: Mets/ Mr. Met (My dude has one big head)

My Ranking: 24- Isn't 'metropolitan' more of like an overarching theme than something concrete? Who comes up with these things?

23. Philadelphia Phillies

https://twitter.com/CBSNews/status/1009772860896960514/photo/1

Mascot: Phillies/ The Phillie Phanatic

My Ranking: 23- Sort of lazy naming here, but I aspire to have as long of eyelashes as this guy.

22. Washington Nationals

https://twitter.com/Nationals/status/1307768522660024325/photo/1

Mascot: Nationals/ Screech (couldn't find a good picture)

My Ranking: 22- one word... meh.

21. New York Yankees

https://twitter.com/Cut4/status/1253010231615000577/photo/3

Mascot: Yankees/ Dandy (They don't use him anymore though)

My Ranking: 21- You mean the people that make candles?

20. Los Angeles Dodgers

https://twitter.com/MLBStats/status/1317600372127637504/photo/1

Mascot: Dodgers

My Ranking: 20- The first of our 2 teams actually in the World Series, so I'll give them a little bit more credit.

19. San Diego Padres

https://twitter.com/Padres/status/1316806202089594880/photo/1

Mascot: Padres/ The Swinging Friar (couldn't find a good picture)

My Ranking: 19- If you translate it to literally mean "parents", then honestly that's a pretty terrifying opponent.

18. Milwaukee Brewers

https://twitter.com/Cut4/status/1310350613679616001/photo/1

Mascot: Brewers/ Bernie Brewer (couldn't find a good picture)

My Ranking: 18- I don't really know what a brewer is, but I vibe with this picture.

17. Colorado Rockies

https://twitter.com/Rockies/status/1314633055370321922/photo/1

Mascot: Rockies/ Dinger (Barney's got nothing on this purple dinosaur)

My Ranking: 17- A mountain range is pretty formidable- they don't do much though.

16. Minnesota Twins

https://twitter.com/Twins/status/1311030744102428677/photo/1

Mascot: Twins/ T.C. Bear (couldn't find a good picture)

My Ranking: 16- What pair of twins are we talking about? The Property Brothers? The Olsens?

15. Kansas City Royals

https://twitter.com/Sluggerrr/status/927591434093547520/photo/1

Mascot: Royals/Sluggerrr (A literal lion king)

My Ranking: 15- They're cool enough to have a Lorde song named after them.

14. Toronto Blue Jays

https://twitter.com/BlueJays/status/1311066459964149762/photo/4

Mascot: Blue Jays/ Ace (couldn't find a good picture)

My Ranking: 14- Finally, some actual mascots that match their namesake.

13. St. Louis Cardinals

https://twitter.com/Cardinals/status/1287568525608062976/photo/1

Mascot: Cardinals/ Fredbird (A++++ on name)

My Ranking: 13- This picture is some ideal social distancing.

12. Baltimore Orioles

https://twitter.com/OrioleBird/status/1101607771403943936/photo/1

Mascot: Orioles/ The Oriole Bird (Can we give it a better name though? Come on, people)

My Ranking: 12- I might have just realized that an oriole was a bird earlier this year.

11. Miami Marlins

https://twitter.com/ChicagoSports/status/961313618137526273/photo/1

Mascot: Marlins/ Billy the Marlin (what you'd expect)

My Ranking: 11- Let's have more aquatic mascots- they're fun.

10. Tampa Bay Rays

https://twitter.com/TB_Times/status/870856486129291265/photo/1

Mascot: Rays/ Raymond (Excuse me, sir. This is not what this animal looks like)

My Ranking: 10- Now, we have the other World Series team. That's all I really have to say.

9. Chicago Cubs

https://twitter.com/Cubs/status/1021093006324191233/photo/1

Mascot: Cubs/ Clark the Cub (What a wholesome, friendly face)

My Ranking: 9- Would be higher, but this is just a baby.

8. Arizona Diamondbacks

https://twitter.com/Dbacks/status/1309638609926983680/photo/1

Mascot: Diamondbacks/ Baxter the Bobcat (Now, may someone explain to me why they don't have a snake mascot)

My Ranking: 8- All jokes aside, that is dope that they have a pool at the stadium.

7. Texas Rangers

https://twitter.com/FOXSportsSW/status/1273434130978463744/photo/1

Mascot: Rangers/ Rangers Captain (Those kids seem to like him)

My Ranking: 7- When I hear ranger, I think of Walker, Texas Ranger, and not much can beat Chuck Norris.

6. Seattle Mariners

https://twitter.com/Mariners/status/1314704696200708098/photo/2

Mascot: Mariners/ Mariner Moose (couldn't find a good picture)

My Ranking: 6- It's just fancy talk for sailor. Still a good choice though.

5. Pittsburgh Pirates

https://twitter.com/theinclinepgh/status/972260746363990016/photo/1

Mascot: Pirates/ Pirate Parrot (Must be DH-ing here)

My Ranking: 5- Arrrrrrrgh we almost done yet?

4. Detroit Tigers

https://twitter.com/JKryk/status/886278742678671361/photo/4

Mascot: Tigers/ Paws (Look at its shoes- WHAT ARE THOSE?!?!)

My Ranking: 4- My brain is maxed out on tiger jokes. If your team has a tiger mascot, whether it be pro, college, or freaking little league, I automatically hate it.

3. San Francisco Giants

https://twitter.com/jcfphotog/status/1309723250046373888/photo/1

Mascot: Giants/ Lou Seal (What a king wearing his mask)

My Ranking: 3- And we're not talking jolly green.

2. Los Angeles Angels

https://twitter.com/Angels/status/1318314923076718592/photo/1

Mascot: Angels

My Ranking: 2- Anyone else watch Angels in the Outfield as a kid?

1. Houston Astros

https://twitter.com/McCannSportsLaw/status/1115828072421449728/photo/1

Mascot: Astros/ Orbit (Alright, the baseball ear/antennae situation we have going on here is adorable)

My Ranking: 1- Well, it didn't end well for the dinosaurs (Watch out, Dinger).

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Recommended for you

Mascot Rankings: MLB

"Take me out to the ballgame."

30. Cleveland Indians

29. Atlanta Braves

28. Oakland Athletics

27. Cincinnati Reds

26. Boston Red Sox

25. Chicago White Sox

24. New York Mets

23. Philadelphia Phillies

22. Washington Nationals

21. New York Yankees

20. Los Angeles Dodgers

19. San Diego Padres

18. Milwaukee Brewers

17. Colorado Rockies

16. Minnesota Twins

15. Kansas City Royals

14. Toronto Blue Jays

13. St. Louis Cardinals

12. Baltimore Orioles

11. Miami Marlins

10. Tampa Bay Rays

9. Chicago Cubs

8. Arizona Diamondbacks

7. Texas Rangers

6. Seattle Mariners

5. Pittsburgh Pirates

4. Detroit Tigers

3. San Francisco Giants

2. Los Angeles Angels

1. Houston Astros

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For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

1. I'm so tired. I need a nap. Maybe I can sleep with my eyes open in class? Or pretend I'm not napping?

2. We have a test today? Why didn't anyone tell me? Did I know this?!

3. Can I quit school yet? It's only October, and I need a vacation.

4. The struggle is so real.

5. I'm so broke. SOS.

6. Stressed? Eat everything you own in your pantry and stuff your face with all your feelings.

7. "Did we have anything due in class today? Homework? Quiz? Test?" "Not that I know of..."

8. I need food. Where is the closest place to get food? I need it stat.

9. This is the longest day of my life. I need a drink, or two, or three.

10. Sleep? What is sleep? What a foreign concept.

11. When someone suggests going and studying in the library, let alone studying in general.

12. When the cafeteria or student center is packed and you can't find a seat anywhere so you literally have to sit in an abandoned corner.

13. When you see someone you used to hook up with. They see you, and approach you; so you have to pretend like everything is normal.

14. When you get your exam and realize you didn't study as much as you should have.

15. When you crush it on an exam or paper that you totally bullshitted.

16. I need a grande, extra strong coffee to get me through today.

17. When the professor announces you have a project due the following week with no instruction on what it's on and how to do it.

18. Is it Friday yet? Where's the weekend when you need it most?

19. It's freezing in here. I feel like I'm sitting in an igloo. I should have brought a jacket or worn long pants.

20. Did I remember my book? Damn, I forgot the book, and of course I need it for that quiz in class.

21. I would pay a million dollars to not go to class today; or actually never again.

22. I need a hoverboard to ride to class. Maybe then I wouldn't be running 15 minutes late to class every day.

23. Oh she/he's cute! I wonder if they're single. Who are they texting? They're BF/GF? I wonder if they think I'm cute. Could they be a potential new bae?

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