As long as there have been people on Earth, love has been inevitable. As long as love has existed, marriage has followed close behind. This tale as old as time is one of the most beautiful things about the human experience: two people promise the rest of their lives to each other. However, it seems as though people can't do anything without being met by the harsh opinions of others.
Since my fiance and I announced that we are getting married, most people we know have been incredibly nice, encouraging, and supportive. Others of them have been, well, downright rude. Alex is 21 and I am 20. By the time we get married, both of us will be 21. For a lot of people, that is just way too young to get married and they don't mind a bit to share their opinion.
The problem is that we can't all come together and agree on an age that is "too young to marry." It's relative. For some people, fresh out of high school is too young to marry. Others consider people are in their mid-twenties as still being too young to marry. The funny thing is that many if not most of our grandparents got married when they were teenagers and stayed happily married until they died. No one called them too young to marry. Now we say that they grew up faster. We say that times have changed and it is so true. Times have changed.
We live in a world that encourages young people to live for themselves for as long as they can and then live for others. Whereas our grandparents grew up in a healthy amount of time, young adults today are encouraged to revel in immaturity for as long as they possibly can.
The probably we should be talking about is marrying immature rather than marrying young. Of course, plenty of people get married while they are young and immature, but there are a good number of couples who get married young and perfectly mature. They are happy with each other, have healthy and strong relationships, and they realize that getting married isn't social suicide.
On the other hand, plenty of people who get married in their late 20s, 30s, and beyond get married while they are still pretty immature for their age. In fact, I read an article not that long ago where a marriage counselor was talking about how a common problem with her clients that married later in life was that they are so stuck in their bad habits and they are prone to thinking they are always right. She said that this can easily be attributable to their attitudes towards settling down when they were younger: they were only concerned with themselves.
Of course, not all people who wait to marry until they get older are adult babies. No one would say that. So why is it okay to say that people who marry young are throwing their lives away?
In my humble opinion, a lot of the disdain for marrying young can be chalked up to projection. People are projecting their own attitudes, feelings, past hurt, and personalities on people who oftentimes are nothing like them. Some people need an extra seven or eight years of single living to be fulfilled in life. Others have found someone they love and they are ready to settle down. Each person reaches this point in their own time and that is perfectly okay. That's part of what makes us so wonderfully different! Making hateful comments to or about people simply because you are not like them isn't okay.
Marrying young means facing obstacles. The younger you are, the more you will face. It can mean balancing school, work, and your marriage. It can mean having to pick up extra shifts at work while your friends are on Spring Break. It can mean being pretty much broke a lot of the time. It means getting a lot of guff from people. Marrying young can also mean amazing things like experiencing some of life's biggest moments with your spouse by your side. It means learning to work together. It means watching you and your spouse grow as people. It means growing up, but never growing apart.
On the other hand, marrying immature has its own set of markers. It can mean being financially stable, but unwilling to adjust to a household budget. It can mean thinking that your life doesn't have to change that much. It can mean that you really did nothing more than gave your boyfriend/girlfriend a different title and moved in with them. Marrying immature is falling for the lie that you can be someone's spouse and keep your focus on yourself. It means thinking that marriage only gives and doesn't take. Marrying immature is ultimately not realizing what you're signing up for: dying to yourself.
Some people know that they won't be ready to settle down until they are in their 30s. It is good that we be honest with ourselves about who we are and what we want in life. However, their is a lethal danger in assuming that everyone else should do things the way you want to do them (Refer to the above section on immaturity).
Even if one is legitimately concerned for the couple, dogging people isn't the way to go. Making blanket statements and sweeping judgments is simply unfair and unloving. The best way to look at any pending marriage is on a case by case basis. Who is the couple? How strong is their relationship? How stable are they? Ultimately, no one should say anything negative to or about someone else and their marriage. So what if you think they are too young? Any concerns can be addressed lovingly if they are warranted, but most of the time they just aren't.
At the end of the day, marriage is a lifelong commitment to your spouse and to God. It is laying down yourself, your pride, and your wants. It is putting your spouse before yourself in everything you do and promising to protect their heart. It is laughing. It is sharing in each other's heartaches. It is being a team. It sharing something that cannot be broken whether you are winning in life or losing in live and, yes, this all still applies when you're fighting or your spouse is doing that one thing that they know drives you insane. If the couple fully realizes what they are signing up for and is willing to uphold this blessed covenant no matter what life brings, that's all that matters.
