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Married With Housemates

Creating a home with others.

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Married With Housemates
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While I had a brief stint living in dorms (sophomore year) at ENC, basically I have only had two residences. The home I grew up in, and the home I live in now. Initially I didn't think this was going to be my home. I was going to stay until I got married, move on, and create my own magical adult life. Thing is I do have a magical adult life (least, I think so), and it started when I allowed that my magical adult life didn't have to look like everyone else's.

You see I like following the beaten path, I feel it's often dangerous to take the road less followed, what if you get lost and no one ever finds you? I moved in to the yellow house in Boston due to a friend from college. Initially I was living with 3 women. The husband and I (at that point still fiance) were actively looking for a place of our own, but being poor and wanting to live in Boston (or even just outside of Boston) was very challenging. So after some prayer and discussion with the main person who lives here, he moved in. By that point, one of the woman had moved out and the other was on her way out. Now I live with my husband, a dear roommate who is also one of my closest friends, and another guy roommate who has proven to be a great fit.

So we're all here together living our lives separate and together. Making this a home for all of us and every person who steps through our doors. I do think we function well because we all love the Lord and have similar values. Not everything intersects and hard awkward conversations have occurred under this roof. One thing that has struck me since I first stepped foot into this place is the sense of peace and safety. We are all committed to this being an environment all of us can be our true selves in.

When I interviewed to live here, I didn't have a strong feeling about the women. I didn't necessarily think it was the easiest living arrangement or was financially feasible (to this day I recognize it as a miracle that I made rent every month), but the reason I said yes was because God gave me an intense sense of peace immediately following my interview. Little did I recognize how tied to this yellow house I would become over the next two years.

I don't think that living in community (especially while married) would make sense for everyone. I'm still on the fence of what I really want my future to look like, but right now with just a few people in the house, my kitten, and a shared space I'm realizing that home doesn't have to look like young couple in a private apartment or married in the suburbs with 2.5 kids. Home looks like a married couple, a single woman and man, and a guest room that is constantly hosting different people.

It's not really the life I imagined for myself, but it's a good life. And in some ways it's far better than the life I would have had. It's full of more love, light, and people. It has its challenges: more problems come up living with one person than with three. It's also nice though having people around when my husband works odd hours and has to go to bed so early. Like last night after my teeth got pulled and my husband had gone to sleep I sat up with my housemate and watched Lilo and Stich. It was nice not to be alone.

One of my biggest fears way back when I moved in was that I would always feel like a guest. Like I was intruding. And I felt some of that when I first moved in, but now it feels like I belong. We cook for each other, I can use anything in the kitchen because we pool our resources. I know I can invite people over and they will be welcomed. People ask me about my day and I do the same for them. It's a place of sanctuary where I can just rest and be after a long day. It's a place that I can receive and give love, prayer, and affection. Not everything is the way I like it, but I always have a voice to say this thing is botherinng me.

I don't know what the future holds in this home I never expected. We're here until at least August, somehow though I won't be surprised if year two turns into year three. Right now this is my magical adult life and this is my home, it might not be what I dreamed of as a worldly 18 year old, but right now it's exactly what I need. I thank God for that transcendent peace just two years ago, it reminds that God can see the future and what we need more than we can. This home doesn't fit into a stereotypical box, but I love it and I'm grateful for it.

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