After getting married 3 years ago, I’ve learned a lot about myself and the opposite sex. Shortly before I started dating my now husband I was extremely comfortable with being single in my 30’s, Yes it's not shameful to be single at any age and it's not something that should be looked down upon. Being single forces you to take the time to examine your strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes and overall outlook on life and the people in your life. This is the time to evaluate what is useful in your life and what is not--this also includes people. This is also the time to evaluate what you want and don’t want in a relationship. Being aware of this will help you to avoid a lot of heartaches and headaches when it comes to dating. As a result I’ve learned that there are certain types of men (and women) to avoid to have a more fulfilling relationship. So here’s the top 4.

1.The Serial Manipulator

This is extremely common among women or men who make themselves too available emotionally or worse financially. Watch out for persons who ALWAYS come up with some excuse for you to feel sorry for them and want you empty your pockets and other resources to help them. Sure everyone has a tough break sometimes and needs help but if this turns out to be a daily or weekly routine then that should raise an alarm. In this situation, the person does not care about you but they care more about what you can do or give to them. My mother even says these people are looking for a “soft spot” which is 100% accurate. If you are stuck with one of these it's best to leave and get on with your life before they drain everything out of you. They will never change and will suck onto anything with a pulse like a leech.

2. The Rude Boy (or Girl)

No I’m not referring to Rihanna’s song--I’m talking about persons that can’t say or do anything nice to you or for you even at gunpoint. It’s always a barrage of insults, complaints, fights and a complete lack of self-control. These people have no respect for you or themselves and honestly no one should have to tolerate this behavior. They also have a bad habit of blaming you or someone else for their temper tantrums which is not true. Sticking with this type of person can lead to abuse and will completely erode your self esteem and self-respect. No manners, no class, no way.

3. The Serial Cheater

This goes without saying. Persons that constantly cheat on their partners have no respect for themselves, you or the relationship itself. These people never hold relationships to a primary standard. In other words a relationship will never come first for them but meeting their own personal needs by sacrificing a relationship will. Commitment and monogamy is completely avoided and viewed as a joke. To avoid implication they may say monogamy is impossible--don’t fall for it. If someone is truly committed to having a meaningful relationship then they will do everything they can to keep it going.

4. The Momma’s Boy (or Girl)

If after reaching a certain point in life this person has nothing to call their own, then this should be a red flag. A 40 year old with no car, no apartment or home, no kids, no life savings, no career, no job, no money, no nothing and still living at home with mom is definitely cause for concern. People with no ambition in life, no goals and have an apathetic attitude toward life at any age should be avoided. Again this behavior is irreversible. You can never force people to change their mentality especially if this has been a part of their persona for an extended amount of time. These people are always wishing for something to change their situation instead of doing something about it. I also notice that these people will want you to do everything what their mothers did for them--feed them, cook, clean, dress them, give them money when they ask and also clean up after them. I don’t know about you but I am NOT anyone’s mother--yet.

Honestly there is no such thing as the perfect mate but giving yourself time to explore what you DO want in a relationship while you are single is the best form of self-love you can have and you don’t need a ring for that.