The most simple answer to this question is tradition, but I think we can dig deeper.
TV shows, such as “Four Weddings,” and movies, such as “My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” make it appear as if a woman’s main aspiration in life is marriage. Her wedding day is something she dreams about from a young age, down to the font on the placecards and style of her dress. I was never this kind of girl. This might come as a shock to people who know me because I am a pink-loving, bow-wearing, glitter-throwing girl, but even as a young child, I did not aspire to have a husband/wife or children. My mom will tell you that I made her cry every time I said these things, but she knows now that this is really who I am. That is not to say I do not want a life partner, but the whole “white dress-declare my love in front of lots of people-pay a ridiculous amount of money for this” has never really been my thing. I think the most beautiful love is love that is shared without a yearning for recognition. People my age aspire to have their significant other posting about them on various social media platforms 24/7, but that really just isn’t my style. Sure, I post some cheesy things about my significant other, but it’s not every day and it’s just a little polite note, not a five-paragraph essay in an Instagram caption. People my age still aspire to marriage, and I think this may be due to the desire for something real in the world of fakeness.
This desire is actually pretty ironic, though (in my opinion), because not all marriages are real. It actually wasn’t until very recently (in the long-span of history) that marriage was declared to be done out of love, not security or stability. I actually think that divorce is so common because people first strive for the big white wedding, and then they mature and realize that they had been looking forward to their wedding day more than spending the rest of their life with their partner. Or, in today’s show-off world, they’re looking forward more to Facebook photos to brag than legitimate love. Is this why people still aspire to marriage, despite the alarming statistics? For a few photos? That cannot be the only reason, but I’m sure it’s a contributing factor.
The search for love still exists, despite the age of Tinder being upon us. Why is it women, though, who are portrayed in the media as the ones who aspire to marriage? Linda Ikeji, a prominent Nigerian blogger, was tormented a few months ago because of her alarming success (she had purchased a mansion when this controversy began) at the age of 35 without a husband. Many people ask about Oprah Winfrey’s partner of nearly 30 years and when she plans to become married, despite being one of the most successful women of all time. Is society placing more pressure on women to become married? Radhika Sanghani wrote an article for The Telegraph, hinting that women may be biologically predisposed to aspire to marriage at a younger age. She explains, “This fertility countdown ticks away constantly in the head of every 20-something-year-old girl, reminding her of all the speed bumps ahead. It doesn’t matter if she wants to have children or not – she can still hear the countdown.” So is the reason that marriage persists at such a young age the desire to have children? If that is so, that is a super heteronormative assumption. As well, women need to be further educated about family planning options. It is becoming more common that women are having their first children after the age of 35, the age many claim is the end of “childbearing time.” For goodness sakes, Tyra Banks, one of the most successful women in America, just gave birth to her first child at the age of 42. There is no reason women should feel the need to have everything worked out by the time they are 30, so they can be done having babies by the time they’re 35. The advances in medical technology have allowed for things, such as IVF for conception, and adoption is always an option. (Seriously, guys, there are so many children already out there who just want to be loved. Adopt them!) As well, there are other ways to find fulfillment in life that go beyond marriage and children. Not everyone will have that moment when their child arrives that everything is right with their life. In fact, many people regret their choice to have children, not because they hate their children, but because they were not meant to be a parent. Make sure that having children is something you really want. After all, you are bringing another human into the world.
So, maybe it is not what society expects of females, but rather what biology has our gender predisposed to. Regardless of the obsession with marriage in our culture, no one should ever feel pressured to become married solely for the reasoning that it’s what they “should be doing at their age.” It is your own life, so live it as you wish to. And it’s always fine to change your mind about things. After all, the only constant thing in life is change.
