Marriage is an awful, beautiful mess. It makes you want to scream at the top of your lungs in frustration, but at the same time it makes you want to stand on a mountain top and scream about how in love you are to every one below and in between. It's one of those things in life that you truly will never understand until you're living it yourself, and even then, you feel like you're trying to crack the Da Vinci code every day. Most days I wonder how God even decided to put two beings together that are so incredibly opposite from one another. Let's be honest, man will never fully understand what runs through a woman's brain on a daily basis, and a woman will never comprehend how little can run through man's. Somehow, we're able to connect on some insane level that makes us look at that one special person and say, "Despite your flaws and your goofy laugh, I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life looking at your face." I've cried, I've laughed, I've cursed, I've prayed, and I've smiled more than I knew I ever could. I am so far from figuring marriage out, but the first year has proven to teach so many life lessons.
1. Cooking is hard especially when you're not used to making meals on a regular basis. I was all about that cereal and frozen pizza life up until recently. My advice? 1. Talk to your Mama and your mother-in-law. My greatest recipes/advice have come from these two women. 2. Pinterest until your fingers bleed. 3. Make grocery lists and then remember to actually take them into the grocery store (this is harder than it seems). 4. Don't be afraid to mess up. I promise you're going to make dinner more than once or twice that is just awful. Trial and error never hurt anyone, and I promise your husband will probably lie and say it's great to make you feel like the superwoman that you are.
2. Cleaning becomes a natural, annoying habit. I'm certain you've officially become an adult when you tell people to use a coaster (or when you get excited to buy new coasters). Your home is like your fortress. It's one of the first places you return in the evening to wind down. Make sure it feels like somewhere you want to relax in. Cleaning/organizing might not be fun right now, but I promise, it breeds happiness and tranquility. Also, give your husband (and maybe yourself) a break for all the clothes/shoes occasionally left all over the floor. This is the picture of a life being lived.
3. Be active. Turn Netflix off for a bit and go outside! My husband and I started walking in the evenings after long days of work. It's nice to just be together and talk about our days. Our brains are constantly being stimulated through out the day, so leave the phone behind and become one with nature. I promise, it won't kill you.
4. Talk about finances. Notice I didn't say argue about finances. This is my weakness, because like a lot of women, I like to buy new, shiny things. Save, save, save! Just because you want it doesn't mean you need it. Try to distinguish between the two. Remember you and your husband are a team. Financial decisions shouldn't be made without the other being involved. My husband and I like to sit down and budget twice a month, so we know ahead of time where our money is going. My favorite part is seeing our savings account grow. Open communication is key, and don't forget to tithe!
5. Your past is your past. Need I say more? I'm always learning this the hard way. High school and college were just a minuscule part of your life. Keep it that way. Don't bring it up. Don't hold it over his/her head. Don't hold it over your own head. You're better than that. The life you're growing with your spouse every day is blooming into a gorgeous future. That's it.
6. Pray without ceasing. I've said it already. Marriage is hard. Life can be hard in general. Never stop praying. The Lord will ALWAYS fight for you, even when you feel like you've given up. Don't let your life ever become too busy to stop and fall on your knees.
7. Be alone. We still need that time to ourselves to just be. Sometimes we need space, and that isn't a crime. That doesn't mean you don't like your spouse. It means you're human. Discover a new hobby you can do alone. I love working out, going to the beach, or reading when I need that glorious "alone time".
8. Forgive as if your life depended on it. Your husband or wife WILL let you down. They WILL hurt your feelings. They WILL make you cry. When exchanging wedding vows, neither of you promised to be perfect, but you did promise to stick by each other even with times get tough. Lay your weapons down, forgive, and hug it out.
9. Travel if you can. I always feel like I learn something new about my husband or our relationship when we're in a different location. It's fresh and rejuvenating. Since we've been married, we've been to 5 new places together. Sometimes you've just got to get away and be together. Seriously, budget for these "get-away weekends". They don't have to be big, but I promise, time away (even if it's a staycation in your own city) does wonders for a marriage.
10. Don't stop pursuing each other. Remember the flowers, the sweet notes, the butterflies, the fancy dinner dates? Keep 'em coming! Dating in your marriage is so important. Don't get complacent. Women like to be complimented, and men like to be revered. Plan a special night on the town or rent movies and have a night in. Keep the romance alive! You're not roommates.
Chances are, these are all bits of advice that you've heard time and time again, but how often do we forget them? I'm not even close to figuring out this marriage thing, but I'm excited to learn little by little every single day with my sweet husband by my side. So, if you're newly married or even engaged, take a deep breath and know you don't have to have it all figured out. Figuring it out together is half the fun!
