As the modern women that we are, we strive to fit the standards we often have society and social media place on us. I thank God for the group of females that don’t give in to social influences and stay true to themselves, or whatever bit of rationality they have. But sadly, the majority of us don’t fall into this small group.
The majority of us consistently seek out information that tells us what’s in. We read cosmopolitan, follow fitness models on Instagram, keep up with the latest fashion trends, and repost any memes that reflect our tightly held beliefs and notions. The flaw in this is that some of the crap we repost comes from such unreliable sources, such as Marilyn Monroe. Women look up to her as if she’s some life guru. The woman is a walking contradiction. She whined about being a celebrity, but was fervently ambitious in her pursuit of stardom. She complained about being a sex symbol, yet all she did was encourage that very image. She talked about being independent and a go-getter in life, but if you dig a little you'll find her work ethic sucked. Plain and simple she was a self-centered, highly disturbed narcissist. You’re probably sitting here asking yourself, “Wait, what… how?” Well, let’s break it down by examining one of her more famous quotes.
“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” - Marilyn Monroe
Stop.
When I hear this quote all I hear is “I’m a female-dog (insert synonym here), I’m a cheater and I’m going to treat you like garbage at any given time, but I’m also special and amazing so you’ll just have to deal with me." The equivalent of a man saying this would go something like this; “I’m an a*****e, a cheater and emotionally unavailable, but I’m better than the next guy so you’ll just have to accept me like that." Ladies, if Beyonce’s "Lemonade" had women leaving their boyfriends this would have women swearing off men completely. Stop the double standard.
“…. You sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best”.
What.
You sound like an idiot. Do you even realize what you’re saying?
In other words, you’re claiming a person who truly deserves you should not only put up with, but also accept, your irrational and (for lack of a better word) nonsensical behaviors. This is nuts. You are nuts for thinking this.
If you’re thinking about a committed longterm relationship, you must be an adult to some extent, and this thinking is just inexcusable at this point of your life. You’re an adult. Go pick up a book and read, learn a thing or two. Go get therapy and fix your psychological issues/behaviors. If everyone can jump on the millennial fitness wagon, then can we all do the same for the search of standard psychological health?
“You don’t deserve me." No, honey. No one deserves to have to put up with you. It is this very way of thinking that can be traced back to narcissism. The very thing Monroe can stand for besides short blonde hair and red lips.
Narcissism is already so commonly found in everyday life that most of us hardly notice it anymore. What’s worse is that when you point it out to someone, they have a hard time telling it apart from normal acceptable behavior. In short, narcissism is the fixation on oneself while having little to no consideration for other people. These people spend countless hours and times of the day obsessing over themselves and how awesome they are. Sound like anyone you know? I’d be willing to argue that’s every other person on our social media’s friends list. But narcissism isn’t just a fixation with oneself….
Narcissists are offended by criticism.
More often than not, people who have levels of narcissism tend to have higher self esteem. Which means they also tend to be more sensitive to anything that remotely threatens the idea that they’re special. But isn’t that what millennials are taught? You are special and unique and different (cringes). You come first and you should give yourself the very best. You deserve the best. People, there is a fine line between self-acceptance and self-obsession.
Take it from Bret Easton Ellis, the author of "American Psycho" “When Millennials are criticized...they seem to collapse into a shame spiral and the person criticizing them is automatically labeled a hater, a contrarian, a troll.”
I can’t begin to tell you how many times a week I scroll down my social media newsfeeds and see people quoting how they deserve the best, how they refuse to settle for anything less and how they have haters. This sounds all nice and lovely, and very independent and strong mindset driven. But the truth is, half of the people abiding by this notion have no idea that half the problems caused in their relationships were/are probably the outcome of their deeply rooted psychological issues, and that when people criticize you, they’re not being a hater, they’re just telling you what you need to work on. Grow some thick skin, and get over yourself. No one is actually sitting at home hoping you continuosly fail, nor are they plotting against you. (Insert DJ Khaled’s “they don’t want you to…” Just stop. Work hard. Be successful and do something for humanity besides whine about the haters.)
To make matters worse, women aren’t only looking up to Monroe for what relationship mindset they should have, but also on independency and body image satisfaction.
I won’t get too into it, but she was nowhere near independent, the chick married a man the first shot she got because of whatever issues she had at home. I’m sorry but Monroe is not the first person to grow up with difficult life circumstances, she could have made wiser decisions. Plenty of people face obstacles in life, and instead of her rising above them and creating a narrative people could actually look up to, she played the victim card every chance she got. She had various affairs and multiple marriages, not a great track record if you ask me. I’m a divorcee myself and I’d rather take advice from the president’s wife than this clown who claims to know what’s healthy and useful or not when it comes to establishing relationships.
Say what you will about her being considered curvy back then, in today’s world, she would be considered “fun sized”. She had the measurements 35-22-35, that is nowhere near what any “curvy” or "thick" woman is considered today. And, no I won’t sit here and tell you to be “proud of your body”; instead I'll tell you be proud of your personality, your accomplishments, what you have done for others. Be proud of things with substance thatactually matter and stop seeking validation. Most of all, stop looking to this hypocritical, narcissistic and foolish woman’s words for advice.
I may sound harsh, and judgmental, but before you entertain this thought know this, I was once one of the people who stood by that very quote. What happened? I walked into a social psychology class in college and had my mind blown week after week by my professor. Eventually, I learned about this topic and needless to say, I quickly re-examined my past cognitions and appropriately adjusted them. I encourage you to do the same, that is, unless your goal is to be a self-centered narcissist.
And so, my final words of advice? The next time you see a Monroe quote and feel tempted to repost, just ask yourself this: “Do I really want to follow the wise words of a woman who had multiple affairs and marriages, constantly sought validation and ultimately took her own life at the age of 36 by overdosing on drugs?” If we’re such fans of President Obama, then why don’t we also look up to the first lady? She obviously did something right and I doubt any of that involved listening or reposting Monroe’s ridiculous quotes. Just sayin’.
Disclaimer: This post is applicable to anyone who identifies with the quote. The article is aimed at women, but I have noticed men are also beginning to adopt the same way of thinking. Guys, I also urge you all to stop.
