We've all heard this phrase countless times in our lives. Football coaches yelling at their players, fathers correcting their sons, me (a woman) to myself when I'm having a mental breakdown about homework: "Man up!" These are the words we are hearing and saying to ourselves. Two small words that surprisingly contain an almost remarkable amount of power. It's almost as if you can literally see the self-pity flicker out of a young boy's eyes as he trades out his tears for motivation whenever these two notorious words give sound. Heck, somehow even telling myself to "man up" inspires a new found confidence in me (a woman). Of course, these two words aren't magic. In fact, at times they may even be the opposite of what we want to hear. Perhaps, a truly sorrowful tear-felt moment isn't always the best time to tell someone to "man up." This is quite easily and naturally understood. So why is it that we very seldom do see boys cry? Have they been told to "man up" one too many times? Or are they afraid that crying isn't "man" enough?
I was recently inspired to ponder upon this subject by a photographer named Maud Fernhout. Maud started a project called "What Real Men Cry Like" and took to photographing 18 men in real tears. The pictures are emotional and beautiful and shockingly authentic. Perhaps they were so shocking because I can probably count on two hands the amount of males I have seen cry. In each circumstances, I have never found any reason to think their tears made them weak or uncomfortable to be around. However, boys seem to have a bit of a different take on the matter. I talked to boys between 17-19 years old to see how they felt about crying. While a few told me they were pretty comfortable with crying and didn't see any real issue with it, others admitted to me they felt like unless there was a situation that was truly traumatic and appropriate to cry about, a male would probably be looked down upon for crying. Another said he would agree there is "definitely social pressure for guys not to show vulnerable emotions such as crying" out of fear of being ridiculed or appearing weak. "Its funny," he continued, "because you can watch movies and actors who are described as movie stars and celebrities and models often cry in their movies, and they are seen as gods. I think that maybe it's all related to primal instincts to not appear vulnerable. Every guy internally wants to be an alpha male and if they deny it then they are lying. Because of that primal desire, showing vulnerability is a serious no-no. So of course guys are prone to attempt to not cry or to victimize those who do. It's all related to the want for an appearance of strength and confidence and power. "
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And so perhaps we see that our "man up" methods of madness are only helping us to suppress male emotion. It is not a bad thing to "man up;" in fact we need to hear these words every once in a while. Men are in fact strong and brave and admirable so it is fitting that the phrase is used to toughen us up a bit. However, showing vulnerability and maybe even shedding a few tears makes a man (or anyone for that matter) more of a "man" than ever. So, "man up" and cry a little why don't ya?
Here is the link to Maud Fernhout's project "What Real Men Cry Like" : http://www.maudfernhout.com/what-real-men-cry-like
