In Orlando, Florida this weekend, a Mr. Moralis suffered a scraped elbow as a result of a malicious tripping incident. The 76-year-old was walking the streets when his shoes suddenly untied. As Mr. Moralis took his next step he tripped on this lethal obstacle, tumbling to the ground. Luckily he was able to break his fall, saving his life.

This upcoming Friday there will be a Supreme Court trial for Moralis v. Shoelace. Reports say that this could be one of the be one of the most important rulings this nation will see. If Moralis wins, shoelaces will be taken off the streets for good. Any caught with them will be given a death sentence, with a chance for a reduced life sentence.

Stay tuned later this week as the trial is covered exclusively by myself, and some guy I met outside of a port-o-potty.