From a young age, boys are taught that they need to act a certain way to prove their strength and self-worth. I can remember as a child being taught that boys have to be strong, athletic, protective, aggressive, the “breadwinner,” and emotionally callous to become a real “man.” Any form of expression that deviates from these general guidelines represents inferiority, and “femininity.” However, the ideology of masculinity is a social construct; it has been enforced by society to generalize individuals who identify with the male gender and support conformity. Rather than continue to enforce these archaic values, it should be taught that you do not need to prove how “masculine” you are to identify with the male gender.

Even though emphasizing to a child the need to be a “real man” seems innocent on the outside, it has caustic effects on the psychological state of children who do not identify with this persona. For some, the stereotypes of “masculinity” represent who they are in a natural way. Many boys are naturally attracted to sports, aggressive behavior, and a sense of marking their territory. I am not saying this is wrong; more power to those who naturally meet society’s expectations, and do not have to suffer with the mental anguish of "not being like the others.” For those, like myself, who do not meet all of these standards, it causes individuals to feel isolated, and appear as an outcast.

The main issue with instilling these values at such a young age is that children are not able to express themselves. In my own experience, I was not able to express how I did not fit in with the other boys on the countless sports teams that my parents had me participate in. This made me feel as though I would never find my own niche. I do not blame my parents because they did not know what I was feeling. However, emotions like these reflect the ever-growing need for societal change. Therefore, the first step to decreasing the emphasis of hyper-masculinity is teaching parents that they need to let their children express themselves how they naturally do. If your son would rather play with dolls instead footballs, this should be supported, rather than suppressed. Parents have to choose what is more important to them: forcing their son to be something they are not versus emphasizing positive mental health for the future.

Hyper-masculinity goes way beyond these stereotypes of men. Hyper-masculinity encourages emotional manipulation, a narrow mind, and narcissism. From my own personal experience, those who appear hyper-masculine have a difficult time understanding and processing emotions, tend to become narrow-minded in regards to diversity and sexuality, and become overconfident of their strengths. For the most part, men use hyper-masculinity to hide their own insecurities because it serves as a defense mechanism.

I will be honest. I tried to be as masculine as humanly possible once I realized how I felt and acted was not socially acceptable. When I was struggling to “come out,” my first instinct was to hide all of my emotions, show no interest in men, change how I dressed, and remove anyone from my life who attempted to threaten my defense mechanism. This caused me to not only feel more alone but also destroyed countless friendships, especially during the most emotional time period of middle school. Even though most people I know revealed to me years later that they were able to read through my act, it is concerning that I felt the need turn to hyper-masculinity to hide who I was and still am today.

To make it clear, I am living proof of how “hyper-masculinity” does not work to hide how you feel. Unfortunately, this is an issue that plagues many regardless of sexuality. However, in my personal case, my sexuality made me feel as though I was not “masculine” enough to be a real man, hence why hyper-masculinity was used to counteract these feelings. I do not hate the idea of “masculinity” because everyone should express who they are in the way they are most comfortable. However, the social pressure, discrimination, and stereotypes that come along with this social concept are concerning, invalidating, and degrading.

Regardless of how anyone who identifies as male chooses to express themselves is none of my business. Nonetheless, it needs to be taught that it is socially acceptable to not meet the demanding standards of what a man is supposed to be.