Mama, Please Don't Go: How My Mother's Illness Changed Me | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Relationships

Mama, Please Don't Go: How My Mother's Illness Changed Me

Wallowing in sadness and despair only hurts those around us, and perhaps even our souls.

397
Mama, Please Don't Go: How My Mother's Illness Changed Me
Kellen Hanley

I remember the first time I prayed—the scent of the chemicals and something like despair surrounding the poorly lit room around me. I remember the sound of the monitors making the dull heartbeat sound like a mournful song, rather than a statistic of life. I remember that I prayed over my nearly dying mother.

My small, pale hands were clasped eagerly over hers (so tightly). She smiled at me, but it was a sad kind of smile—a smile that was usually reserved for a bitter-sweet goodbye (I wasn’t ready, to say goodbye). I remember the nurse telling me I had to get down off of the bed (I didn’t). I remember my father looking away, hands clenched as he tried desperately not to cry (he failed). I remember my mother trying to hide her tears (she couldn’t).

Eventually, my innocent eyes, bogged down with tears that were too heavy for my small frame to carry any longer, began to shut, and my father picked me up, swooping in with strong arms that held the burden of a family, and he took me to the car. I was feigning sleep at that point, my mind working faster than ever to try and find a solution on how to save my mother. Perhaps I could hug her, I remember thinking. I could hug the sick right out of her, like a sponge. Or that I could kiss her repeatedly—my act of love waking her up from her sickened haze—a nightmarish version of Snow White. I didn’t sleep the rest of the night, my mind trying to think of any possible situation that would make it better. I couldn’t find one. Reflecting back on it now, I realize that her hospitalization, her dance with death, if you will, impacted who I am and who I want to be.

There is an idea that we can change our world, and the impact it has on us, how we allow it to effect us. My impactful moment came from my mother, so sick, so pale, so small in her bed. Now, as a girl nearing her seventeenth birthday, twelve years past the incident, her struggle, reflected on me, made me who I am today. The compassion in that moment, that I felt for her, for those in the wing of the hospital, for those around me, led me to the choice that I wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to help someone in the very way my mother had been helped, so some other little four-year old girl, wouldn’t give up hope over herself or her ailing family. I realize now, I could have made a choice—I could have let my mother’s illness, something she still struggles with today, define me negatively. But that would never have helped me, or my mother, for that fact. She needed normalcy, and if I, her only child, had turned, I don’t think personally her recovery would have been as miraculous.

We are defined by our choices. They shape the ultimate path before us. Wallowing in sadness and despair only hurts those around us, and perhaps even our souls. Of course when I was four, I didn’t know how I would approach being a doctor, and I never could have dreamed that I would have settled on Pediatric Oncology, but I did know that I loved my Mother, and I loved helping those in similar situations, providing care for them. My mission is to help every child and parent to the best of my ability, just as my mother and my family had been helped. I decided, at the tender, light hearted age of four, that I would help those around me to my greatest capacity with kindness, empathy, and compassion.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

12 Midnight NYE: Fun Ideas!

This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

13718
Friends celebrating the New Years!
StableDiffusion

When the clock strikes twelve midnight on New Year's Eve, do you ever find yourself lost regarding what to do during that big moment? It's a very important moment. It is the first moment of the New Year, doesn't it seem like you should be doing something grand, something meaningful, something spontaneous? Sure, many decide to spend the moment on the lips of another, but what good is that? Take a look at these other suggestions on how to ring in the New Year that are much more spectacular and exciting than a simple little kiss.

Keep Reading...Show less
piano
Digital Trends

I am very serious about the Christmas season. It's one of my favorite things, and I love it all from gift-giving to baking to the decorations, but I especially love Christmas music. Here are 11 songs you should consider adding to your Christmas playlists.

Keep Reading...Show less
campus
CampusExplorer

New year, new semester, not the same old thing. This semester will be a semester to redeem all the mistakes made in the previous five months.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

Let's face it, last semester you woke up with enough time to brush your teeth and get to class and even then you were about 10 minutes late and rollin' in with some pretty unfortunate bed head. This semester we will set our alarms, wake up with time to get ready, and get to class on time!

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

The 5 Painfully True Stages Of Camping Out At The Library

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

2690
woman reading a book while sitting on black leather 3-seat couch
Photo by Seven Shooter on Unsplash

And so it begins.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

Camping out at the library is not for the faint of heart. You need to go in as a warrior. You usually have brought supplies (laptop, chargers, and textbooks) and sustenance (water, snacks, and blanket/sweatpants) since the battle will be for an undetermined length of time. Perhaps it is one assignment or perhaps it's four. You are motivated and prepared; you don’t doubt the assignment(s) will take time, but you know it couldn’t be that long.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

The 14 Stages Of The Last Week Of Class

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1638
black marker on notebook

December... it's full of finals, due dates, Mariah Carey, and the holidays. It's the worst time of the year, but the best because after finals, you get to not think about classes for a month and catch up on all the sleep you lost throughout the semester. But what's worse than finals week is the last week of classes, when all the due dates you've put off can no longer be put off anymore.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments