Mommy,

I never thought life could be this hard. I never thought that I would be yearning to call you and not be able to. I never thought that you wouldn't one day be at my wedding or hold my children. And I never expected to lose you so soon.

I miss you more every day. A week before you passed away I did something a little crazy and died part of my hair red. You told me you loved it and I couldn't wait until Christmas when I could show you in person. On Veteran's Day, I was driving to my dad's like I do almost every Friday night. I was jamming in the car, listening to every song you can imagine. When I got to the house my dad wanted to talk to me and I thought that I was in trouble, that I had done something wrong.

I never could have imagined the words that he would say next. "Your mom passed away." They told me that you took a nap and just didn't wake up. Those were the most heart-wrenching words anyone could ever say to me. I cried for what seemed like days. I knew I would need to go home to Florida for the service but part of me didn't want to. I felt that as long as I was in Ohio it was all just a bad dream or a cruel joke.

Now that I am back at school, back to my everyday routine, life seems a little more dull. You were one of my best friends. Grandma raised me and you got to be my friend. I told you virtually everything. I had been really busy the beginning of this school year and I hadn't called you as much. I have had so many things that I have wanted to tell you and I don't know what to do.

Carrie Underwood is my favorite singer and that is because of you. I can remember countless times riding in the car listening to "Jesus Take the Wheel". I told you that when I get engaged I would let you know by playing the song "Mama's Song" (even though you should already know because whoever he is would have to ask you first). I told you that both you and my dad would walk me down the aisle. I know that you will be there with me in a different way but it's just not the same.

You are the reason I dream big. You always told me to never give up, stay strong, and do whatever it takes. You are the reason that I am pursuing the degree I am. I knew you had so many problems and I want to be able to help other people understand things the way I never did.

You wanted to be a truck driver and I never would have imagined you doing it. You driving an 18-wheeler? What? But you set your mind to it and did it. You could back that thing up better than I can back my car. I went on the road with you for two weeks one summer and those are some of my best memories from growing up. I saw so many new things that summer and ate from a true Taco Truck in California. Every time I heard the song "Roll On" I thought of you and I will forever. It may be about a dad but you were the truck driver in my life and I changed the words in my head every time I heard it.

There was never a doubt in my mind that you loved me. You made sure to tell me even when I was a stubborn teenager who didn't want to hear it. Oh, I would give the world to hear you say it one more time, or to hear you say anything for that matter.

Even when you had nothing, you found a way to help people who needed you. Even if it was just a few kind words. You would give the shirt off of your back if someone asked you to. Everyone loved you. You had such an attitude and even though I don't like to admit it, I do too and I got it from you. You could always come up with something witty to say back to any comment.

You knew that purple was my favorite color and tagged me in Facebook posts all the time of beautiful wedding dresses, house decorations, and absolutely EVERYTHING purple. I would joke and tell you there was no way I was having a purple kitchen!

I know you are in a better place now and that you aren't suffering anymore. I know that you are watching over me and are keeping me safe. It is just hard sometimes to think that I will never hug you again or go shopping with you. Every day I get a little stronger and I feel a little more okay, even though I will never truly be whole again. I feel fragile and Broken but I know I will get through it because you are always with me. I know that you were proud of me and how far I have come. My goal now is to continue to make you proud even from where you are. You are now one more guardian angel I have watching over me.

Love and Miss you,

Your Baby Girl

*The links throughout are some of her favorite songs and ones that remind me of her, feel free to listen to them*