It seems almost humorous to suggest that in the age of immediate gratification, something as manual as a long distance relationship can flourish. Most people don't choose to put distance between themselves and their significant other, but often life has other plans. Although it may seem impossible to keep it alive in theory, I've talked to several couples who were forced to live apart for some extended period of time, and have worked through it to become even better together. I found it encouraging to hear the success stories.
One of my best friends made it six months without seeing her boyfriend while she lived out her dream interning at Disney World. Now they are expecting their first child. I have a couple of regulars who come to see me at Cracker Barrel once a week. They are a very happy couple with two kids, and I was surprised to learn that they met on World of Warcraft and were apart for three years before actually physically being together (he lived in Utah and she lived in Tennessee). I have a friend now who dropped off his girlfriend at the airport this afternoon so that she can embark on a four month study-abroad program in Australia. He asked me how Will and I deal with certain aspects of the relationship. As someone who was previously in a two-year long distance relationship and who is currently in one, I thought I would share the things I find helpful in keeping these relationships alive and also the things I find beneficial about them.
Take an embarrassing amount of photos when together
If you're able to take trips to see your significant other, make sure you document every moment of your togetherness. I find myself being very self-aware when it comes to taking photos and videos with others. I find the whole process a bit ridiculous, so I get nervous about taking photos and snap chats in public. This is something you have to get over if you're going to be apart from someone you care about for an extended amount of time. Those photos are everything and will keep you from re-stalking his/her Facebook profile for the millionth time in an attempt to see his/her face. What's even more embarrassing than 102 couple-selfies (duofies...?) on your iCloud is being tagged in one of those Facebook stalker apps as your significant other's "number one fan." Aside from making it easier when you can't see each other, photos make really cute gifts that you can send in the mail or give to each other when you do get to see each other.
Let go of pride and learn to apologize
When you're working with limited face-time, every minute counts. If you find yourself in an argument, which may happen because stress can run rampant as the departure date nears, learn how to let go and how to say, "I'm sorry." It's very typical for me to drag out an argument because of some stupid sense of pride, but most things don't need that much time devoted to them. Learn how to love even when you're angry. Take a breath and decide if this particular argument is more important than spending quality time together. Chances are it isn't.
That being said, if there is something serious that needs to be addressed, long distance can make that even more difficult. Although you may not want to spend time talking about uncomfortable things, it may be necessary. Every individual and every relationship is different, but I have found that in the case of long distance, it's important to try and settle a serious topic the first time it comes up. That involves patience and listening to each other without resorting to anger. It's also important to realize that when a topic is exhausted, there shouldn't be a need to bring it up again.
Learn how to be lazy
This has always been hard for me, because I feel like if I'm not being productive 100% of the time, then I have become a failure in life. I'm also not a fan of couples who sit on the couch and watch movies all day. I have never been able to be in those types of relationships happily, and I always fear falling into that relationship void beneath the crack in the couch cushions.
That being said, if you don't get to see each other often, it's important to take time to do fun things together, yes, but also to spend quality time just enjoying each others' company since physical contact is a welcomed luxury. Will had to teach me that watching anime all day sans pants with a bottomless bowl of cereal is actually an okay thing to do once and a while, and especially when he's around.
Most importantly,
Make time (and things) for each other
You're going to have to devote time out of your day to talk to each other. If a phone call becomes a burden, it may be time to end the relationship. You have to talk to each other whenever you possibly can, and that requires doing something interesting during your day so that you can actually have things to discuss at night. Sometimes phone calls require a little planning. I find myself making mental lists in my mind about things I can talk to Will about at night. Also, with the emergence of Snapchat and Facetime, not being together doesn't necessarily mean being apart. Utilize those technological wonders and make them work for you. Will probably gets more pictures of my face than times he would actually see it were he to be here. Admittedly, he gets a lot of butt pictures too.
With long distance, showing your affection is more important than when two people live within proximity. This can take the form of writing, painting, drawing, knitting, etc. Whatever you love to do, incorporate him/her into that passion. Show that they are special to you, in whatever way you know best.
Yes, long distance is difficult and every goodbye feels like a miniature heartbreak, but if two people really want to make it work, I completely believe it is possible and even beneficial to be in a long-term relationship. Being apart allows both parties to grow and develop themselves. I can do the things I love and Will can do the things he loves and we can talk about it later. A lot of couples get in a "let's watch a movie" funk, and never pull out of it. I've been there before and it's awful. Another detriment to many couples is becoming too attached too quickly. This is very easy to do in today's world. Having a bit of distance between you ensures your feelings are genuine and not just the product of infatuation. The flip of that is, you spend more meaningful time with one another and make more meaningful gestures of affection. When you do see each other, it's an amazing feeling.
So, to everyone out there going through something similar -- you can do it. Just be patient, be kind, and remember why you wanted this in the first place.
