Always a Second Chance

The hardest part is not falling down, it’s getting back up only to be knocked down again. This is the unfortunate reality many athletes have to face. Getting injured once can be bad enough as anyone stuck in the training room will tell you, but having it happen again traps you in your own inferno. It’s tougher and even harder to come back once more. You say to yourself “surely not again.” You doubt whether that moment of stepping on the field will arrive again. The road back can feel like an epic you are journeying through yet once completed can feel like the most liberating moment of your life. My favorite aspect about sports is that until you finally call it quits, there will always be another opportunity to make amends for any negative memory, whether it is an injury, a bad loss, or any other bit of adversity that becomes part of athletics.

The greatest experiences of my life have been as a soccer player, but the worst have also been on the field. Everyone knows about Achilles’ heel, but my trainers have always similarly referred to it as “Alessio’s knees.” I have had many recurring knee injuries starting when I was 15. I’ve had several knee dislocations along with a meniscus surgery and that annoying osgood schlatters that create the painful knee bumps. I won’t get into tormenting you too much about how each injury happened, but the experience is always just as painful emotionally as it is physically.

The initial shock of this injury is always frightening and is the worst pain I have ever been in. I felt completely paralyzed and any movement would result in another terrifying scream of agony. I would not wish it on my worst enemy. Next comes the really difficult part to deal with. Realizing the long road you are about to face and the fact that you might not be the same player that you were before leaves a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. As someone that as a young kid dreamed of playing soccer at the highest levels, this was especially demoralizing because you physically see that dream edge closer to the impossible. The worst of these injuries was when it happened in Italy, on the little field where I grew up playing because it is there that I fell in love with the sport. I screamed “not here” as I could not believe that this would be in God’s plans. The cruelest of stories to get hurt playing there. Everyone tries to comfort you, which is nice and an important part in a successful recovery, yet it does not make up for what has happened. Going around on crutches, people giving you that awful look of sympathy, and watching on as your teammates play all adds to the abyss you find yourself struggling to escape from. Sleeping is the only bit of comfort you feel because it is the only time where you can escape the reality of not being physically able to play and instead can dream about past victories or imagine what future games will be like when you’re back. After a little time you start your recovery in the gym, and it is certainly a case of “the sooner, the better.”

Although this part is difficult as well, at least here you begin to feel like an athlete again. This work is not easy though. I remember spending 4 to 5 hours a day in the training room getting myself back to full fitness. Biking, step-ups, front squats, wall squats, balance workouts etc. become your daily life. You completely dedicate yourself to pushing yourself to come back. It is nice that with all of this work, you do slowly begin to see your legs become strong again. Amazing how the human body can endure trauma and return itself to a strong condition. This time is tricky for athletes though. They are full of doubt. They might not act like they would normally. My whole early life was always spent thinking about soccer, now I could not do what was always on my mind. It really is an identity crisis. I was particularly quiet during my recovery. I think people realized that the thing I enjoyed most in life was taken away from me leading me to behave differently. All I could focus on was what else I could do to make myself better. It is extremely important during this time to listen and trust your therapists and others who have had to go through it. They know what is required and can be great insight and inspiration to know that if you continue to do the right things in training, then you will make it back. I was lucky to have amazing parents, a comforting brother and fun-loving friends that made my process a little easier. Having a caring and loving support system makes a big difference on your psychological recovery, even more so when you start to return to playing.

For me, this was actually the most frightening part. You are slowly starting to train with the team again. Everyone knows what you have been through, but you do not feel the same. Soccer is very dependent on muscle memory and having been out for several months makes you feel like you are running on stilts instead of legs. That feeling goes away after a few training sessions. The fear of getting hurt again takes a little more time to rid yourself of. This is the real psychological barrier which my dad still thinks I have never gotten over since the first time I got hurt. He certainly has a point, but I think athletes slowly get over that as their confidence grows by completing passes, scoring goals, and finishing training sessions still feeling strong. It is crucial to have yourself physically prepared completely before trying to play again (i.e. not rushing your recovery, easier said than done). The moment I usually felt that I am strong enough to play again was actually after taking the first tough tackle. It was there that I realized that I am not made of glass and can resist rough tackles from tough players and most importantly, feel assured that I could get back to my best.

I have always said that playing soccer is my chance to be an artist, but it is also the time to show the world I am a fighter as well. Every game is a battle and so is every training session when you want to win and become the best player you can be. I loved being in the battle especially as a midfielder just like all athletes do. This is a different battle because it is a battle with yourself and nature essentially. It is the time to battle at your hardest to make it happen. There are many lessons I have taken from my injury record which have made me tougher, but also confident that I can face any challenge, adversity, or setback I may face on the field and in the rest of my life. Sport, just like life is like a roller coaster that is full of ups and downs which is why my experiences have taught me to be humble during the highs because you won’t always be up there, but also reminds me to be resilient during the lows because your time in the sun is around the corner. I am not particularly happy that I have had so many injuries that derailed my career, but I definitely do not regret it. A friend once told me that life’s biggest challenges are reserved for those who can handle them. Maybe in some other alternate universe I never got hurt and actually achieved my dream of playing for the Italian National team, but this does not bother me because I have my own unique story with a lot left to be written.

I never did anything heroic that someone else could not have done, but I feel great honor for what I have accomplished. I just wanted to be like my teammates and have fun playing the game I love most. Many have told me that they and most people would have quit playing after the amount of physical problems I faced. Looking back on my club, college, and semi professional athletic experiences, I take great pride in being able to still have been able to play at a good level and be a main contributor for every team I have played for. I have wonderful memories of scoring winning goals to win tournaments and memories I try to forget of missing goals to win against St. John Fisher. One of my favorite songs is My Way by Frank Sinatra, which is about someone feeling the full range of human emotions. My experiences in soccer alone have given me all of the emotions one can feel joy to sadness, from ecstasy to anger, but I would not have it any other way because that is how you know you are truly living.

History is riddled with examples of massive disappointments for famous players that have a sense of redemption later on. Ronaldo “Il Fenomeno” had two ACL injuries during his prime at Inter Milan, but managed, against expert prediction, to win the 2002 World Cup as the best player and leading goalscorer of the tournament. In that same World Cup, Italian star, Francesco Totti was controversially red carded as Italy exited early after being tournament favorites. 4 years later he made amends as he was one of Italy’s best players on their way to winning the 2006 World Cup. The best example is Dutch winger Arjen Robben. In the 2012 Champions League final, Robben missed a penalty in extra time against Chelsea that would have won them the tournament, but they lost one of the most dramatic finals. A year later, against German rivals Borussia Dortmund, he scored a typical Arjen Robben goal with just five minutes left to finally lift the trophy that was missing in his career.

All of these stories of redemption do not happen by chance. Setbacks are incredibly tough to deal with. Those horrible moments are on rewind in your head every night. They did not give up. They continued to work hard and improve themselves. Most importantly, they believed that they would get another chance at glory and prepared themselves to be ready to grasp the opportunity with both hands and not let it slip again. That is the lesson here. Sport is wonderful because it will always give those who believe in themselves, those that go the extra mile, those that wear their heart on their sleeve another chance to win a championship or reach an achievement. Never give up on yourself and what you are capable of. Everybody loves a comeback.