A few weeks ago, I was sitting in the back seat of my best friend’s car, venturing down snow-covered roads and into the mountains. It was cold and traffic was slow — the perfect time for deep conversations. Her mother was driving down the icy roads and we were discussing how hardships impact our lives and how we handle them can make all the difference. I explained how stressed I was, with a number of struggles in the near future — ones that I knew about, but had absolutely no control over. I expressed my concerns about juggling stress and trauma with school, and how I worried about coping with hardships and responsibilities. While I expressed these concerns, I also explained that I had faith in my own abilities to handle almost anything and that previous experiences had furthered and strengthened my coping mechanisms over the years.

My best friend turned to me and said something along the lines of: “You know, the other day, I went to this alumni event.” I nodded — we both went to the same high school, and even with a year between us, we had fairly similar experiences. She continued, “Well, [the director of alumni relations] asked us what we took away with us from high school — what we learned and continue to use in our day-to-day lives — and one girl made a really good point: She said that the most changing and rewarding experiences for her were the retreats we went on.” She was right: our high school really made a point of going on class retreats.

“Going on those retreats really taught us to self-reflect and to make time to actually do so. I think that’s something we’ve taken away, too, and it’s something we should make more of a point of doing.” I agreed, “Self-reflection has become such an important part of my life, especially since entering college. I wish I made more time to do so, even now. I feel like I need more of those retreats in my life.”

The thing is, I really do need more of those retreats. I remember two high school retreats very clearly. The first was in my sophomore year of high school. I remember having few expectations and only packing a bag of comfy clothes and a book to read before going to sleep. My class was whisked off to the mountains, a place still undisclosed to me, where the ground was covered in at least four feet of snow, and we stayed in toasty cabins in a wooded area. We spent two or three days snow-shoeing and sitting around fireplaces talking about overcoming trauma, finding better definitions of ourselves, and learning to problem-solve more constructively. This was the first time I had really been given the opportunity to self-reflect.

The second retreat, a retreat more solidly engrained in my memory, was so impactful, it was even given a name: Kairos. The word “Kairos” is a theological term for taking action, and the word couldn’t have been used better. This retreat was emotional and required the utmost vulnerability of its participants. I was 16 on this trip, and to be honest, I cried more often than not and learned more about myself than I ever had before. I learned about my strengths and my weakness, the events that changed me, and the people who truly cared. I read heartfelt letters from loved ones, and wrote some too. The retreat was an eye-opening experience that changed my life forever. It was so moving for me, I even signed up as a leader the next year, which was also a life-changing experience for me.

Taking the time to self-reflect is so inexpressibly important, she continued: “A lot of people don’t have the opportunity to take these kinds of retreats and I think we really benefited from them. So many people don’t take the time to self-reflect and think that can be really detrimental.” And she’s right. Too many people don’t take the time to reflect.

So, the next time you’re feeling stressed out and anxious about the future, take a moment to reflect on your life: think about the times that changed you, the events that helped you grow, and the people who give you the most support. Self-reflection is vital to self-improvement and can help invoke change.

“Most people are searching for happiness outside of themselves. That’s a fundamental mistake. Happiness is something you are, and it comes from the way you think.”