“Sweetheart marry your goals, remain committed to success, be loyal to your dreams, it’s okay to choose yourself.” -r.h. Sin
For so long I chose everyone over myself. Let myself hurt. let myself be pushed aside, stepped on, waiting, left wanting more. Not anymore, no not any longer. I’m my main priority. I am what matters. I’m who I have to deal with. I am who I am.
I’ve always been there and done things for friends or anyone. I’ve put myself in way too many awkward situations to make other people happy. I’ve made myself miserable for others happiness. I can’t say no, or mostly I just don’t know how to let others down. I’m hurting myself though, I’m sorry but I’m over it, find someone else to push around because they won’t let you down.
My last relationship made me question my self image, my worthiness. Left thinking, “oh, she’s set the new bar for beautiful huh, what am I?”, “he wants them not me, I don’t blame him”, “what do they have I don’t?”, “I’m never enough”. BUT you know what, to sit there in self pity, is worse. I started loving myself. Not giving ANY guys too much attention and started being me. My own father made me believe all my life I was never enough. If he can’t love me, who will? But now it just makes me want to strive to be better. To make them mourn the loss of me.
And trust me, I know what it’s like to still want to cry, beg, plead for their attention, to want them to tell you they love you, want you, choose you, miss you. When you look for any sign they still care. Mistakenly drunk texting. Trying to stop yourself from writing them. But you are so much stronger than that. Even if you don’t believe so. Move on to you, make them wish they never hurt you in the first place.
I deserve happiness. To feel content with life. To smile and laugh more. Time to myself. I’m everything I’ll ever need. I’m giving myself that, I don’t need anyone else. I’m having fun, being with friends, focusing on schooling and my future, and of course highly treating myself because who doesn’t love some retail therapy. I’m figuring out my true worth on my own, like I should’ve before others made me question it. Like everyone should feeling the same way. Sitting around waiting for some sort of male attention isn’t going to make you feel better. Your true value is what makes you, well you. You need to appreciate that. You are strong. You will always be amazing. You are unstoppable. It’s up to you how you feel, NEVER let someone make you feel small, not good enough, a last resort. You are beautiful, extrodinary, flawless. You will always be so much more.
So do it for you. Choose yourself for once. Give yourself the strength, love, caring you need. Don’t be afraid to say no. Forget those people. He’s not the sun, you are.
