I am destined to write on the topic of friends for a second time. It has reached my attention at this late date, though I am thankful to say not remotely too late, what a friend is actually like. A friend, according to a distressing number of saccharine social media declarations, sticks by you, bolsters you, and probably some other great pool of cutesy rubbish.
For years I ignored these simple wisdoms to my detriment.
In fact, I have come to realize that a happy life is populated by empathetic, reasonable people who bring you comfort and positivity. A happy life is not merely this, but it will nearly always contain exactly this. Let me pedantically divulge to you what I missed for a long time: that which a happy life tends not to contain.
A happy life does not contain clingy, desperate people whom you pity, but do not respect. It does not contain reserves of feeling that you are owed by people toward whom you have been kind, and whom you feel have not adequately returned this favor.
Evacuate from the body of your life these people who bring frustration, who cannot manage disagreement with you unless they resort to anger and insults. Flee from those who do not return your output, and if you fail to match the output of another, strive to match it. I must stress that acts of charity or concrete gifts alone do not constitute a caring friend.
Dismiss from your inner circle a friend who does not spare effort to support you or your passions. A friend needn’t be quixotic with you, but honesty does not equate to brutality. When a person in your life cannot afford you the primordial courtesy of a gentle let-down, they are not your friend. At the simplest level you can, friend by friend, quietly examine your feelings about them and what swathes of emotion they inspire in you.
If you do this and find that they inspire insecurity (or clearly try to), you may sever them in all meaningful ways without a twinge of guilt. Happy people tend not to work toward the misery of others (some psychopaths excepted). Consider your most recent bout of notable joy. During that bright moment, what could have been further from your mind than any scheme for the suffering of your friends?
Consider now your darkest times, and what vicarious pleasure you could not take in the adventures of your comrades and loved ones. It is a consistent frailty in the human psyche that sad, angry people (whether they know this about themselves or not) seek to destroy the fulfillment of their fellows.
Identify your antagonists and take what measures are necessary: extract the necrotic meat of a moribund friendship from your heart. I must be grateful that this lesson has reached me at all, late though it may be. And for those who have delivered support in the form of encouragement and, when it was required, empathetically rendered bad news, it is a pleasure to have you.
