The time of year has come once again and it's time to say goodbye to any social life that you had before. Let's be honest, though, going out to Chipotle once a week with your co-workers isn't much of a social life. You have been looking forward to this time of year for quite some time now. A new NFL season is upon us and you can't wait to play as your favorite players, rookies and players who got traded to other teams. You call your bros up and put your phone away for a while unless it's to record a sweet replay or glitch. If your family members or significant other gives you flack for not texting back right away, just tell them that you've got a fever and the only prescription is more Madden. "Sorry, but it's Madden season."
Throughout your extensive Madden career you have played people from all walks of life: your friends, people online, your brother(s), heck, grandma might have thrown her hat in the ring at some point as well. Along your journey to Madden greatness you have picked up on a few things and have started to get to know these types of players.
1. The instant replay machine.
Twenty-yard pass? Replayed. Meaningless sack? Replayed. Thought the way a guy ran was funny? Replayed. You just want to get on with the game, but this person just won't give it a rest. It's even worse if you are losing and they are rubbing it in your face. You don't play very many games with this person, but when you do, be sure to clear your schedule for the rest of the day.
2. The person who always seems to be texting.
This person just won't put their phone down. You just went off for a huge touchdown and you come to find out that this person was texting away while they were on defense. It takes away the wind in your sails and you become very frustrated with this person always having to pause the game. The only reason they should be on their cell phone is if they are ordering pizza.
3. The snacker.
Cheetos everywhere. Chocolate coated fingers all over your controller. You buy a set of wet wipes just for this person because you know that when they lick their fingers clean that it's just making matters worse. You think about banning snacks from the game, but can't bring yourself to do it because much like the Bears defense, you are weak.
4. The "one more game" person.
Time and time again you beat this person, but they don't know when to quit. The games aren't even close and you blow them out of the water every time. You have other things to do like cleaning, cooking, running errands, but if you find yourself with the "one more game" person on a lazy Saturday morning? Good luck.
5. The "this is so unrealistic" player.
This person comes up with an excuse for every little thing that doesn't go their way. One handed catches in the back of the end zone, speeds of certain players and interceptions are the most common things this person complains about. The tone definitely shifts whenever something good happens for them though. "I've seen that guy make that play in a game last week," they'll say. As much as I love Madden, they aren't going to get everything right all of the time and that's the beauty of the game.
6. The Mr. "hasn't played since 2004."
You have to explain every little thing to this person because the last time they picked up a controller and played was when Mike Vick was on the cover in a Falcons jersey -- before prison. It is kind of funny, at first, watching them struggle to grasp the game, but after a while you feel like you are playing against yourself with how much you have to tell them. It's too bad that Madden 101 isn't offered as a college class because this person would need to enroll in that class ASAP. Yes, even before they get their general education credits completed. Madden comes first.
7. The person who takes the game way too seriously.
If you have ever felt that your life was in danger during a game of Madden, then this was the person you were playing against at that time. Swear words are coming out of their mouth like no other and you're not even sure if this person is even speaking English anymore. Their face grows more and more red with each incomplete pass that they make and your fear for your TV getting broken grows just the same. There is no such thing as a "casual game" to this person.
8. The gambler.
This person is constantly throwing money down on games of Madden. The more times that they've played you, the more they are willing to throw down on the table. It may start off as an innocent $5 a game, but if you don't watch yourself, you may end up betting them whatever food is in your freezer. You never bet Toaster Strudels. Never. This person will always be the person who wants to collect their winnings from you right away, but never has the money to pay you when you beat them.
Madden season is a magical time and personally, I feel the day Madden is released should be a national holiday. Many people would probably disagree with me on that, but I don't think there's a better way to bond than by trash talking and playing a classic game of Madden.
