“For Women who wait for their men to get out of jail. And Vice versa… Would you considered them to be stupid or loyal?”I sat and thought for a while as I was thinking of this Facebook post that I came across. My first instinct was to reply with my answer, but instead I was interested by all the comments that individuals were starting to leave.As I was logging off I started to think about the question again and I asked myself, “Mercedes do you consider yourself to be stupid or loyal.”I said “Do you” because unlike some of the individuals that were responding, I am with someone who is currently incarcerated. The last time I wrote on this topic was about a year ago and I was finally letting everyone into my personal life. See on my social media you never hear me talk about relationships or see me in any pictures of me hugged up with a man. Why because for so long I kept it a secret that my significant other was locked up. See, When I wrote “The Price We Pay for the Ones We Love” I explained how the price I paid for love was hard, but worth every struggle. I never answered the question if I was stupid or loyal, but I answered why I chose the relationship I did. That was also the last time I spoke of my relationship. A year later and here is another piece on my incarcerated man.
When I asked myself if I was stupid for waiting for someone who was locked up, I said no because stupid is such a broad term, that can be used in many different contents. I would say that there are people who do think I am stupid for the decision I made, because in their case they would rather have their spouse here physically next to them. See my relationship isn’t built on sex, obviously, and we don’t get to go on dates, movies etc. But I will say this, what we do have is a strong communication bond and I don’t see that often with couples nowadays.It’s not just the communication, but the trust you have for one another. For the individual who is incarcerated, they become insecure because they know that the place they are at is useless for their love ones on the outside, and the chance of them being left and forgotten is very high. Their communication may be frustrated or angry because they can feel when individuals are slipping away from them. They began to lose trust and start to accuse the individual on the other side of the phone. It takes a strong-willed person to work through the struggles that can occur in an incarcerated relationship. Those of us who stay and wait for our loved ones, we are anything but stupid. We face the challenge of being alone on the outside, but that doesn’t mean our life physically stops for them because we know to get through everything, we must keep living our life.
For those of us who are truly loyal, it’s no walk in the park. We basically take a vow that we will stand by their side, through this life of incarceration. We put our physical needs on hold, to wait for the one we love to come home. Some may call us crazy or dumb, because their physical need is a constant, but just know that a relationship built on sex is not a relationship. Our loyalty is tested every day from encounters with the opposite or same sex, through social media and among many other encounters.We are constantly finding ourselves saying “No,” when someone asks to go on a romantic date or to be something more than just friends.Our loyalty is strong and we are strong individuals who are committed and will stay strong till death do us part. I know there are some out there who don’t stay committed and leave when times get hard, but that’s not us. Yes, I understand people leave for plenty of reasons, maybe the one they love is gone for more time than they expected or cheating is involved, but that’s a different story.My point is that we are not stupid, because we chose to wait for the one we love.
As for me, I will be the first to tell you that this life is not easy. I look forward to all the calls and visits I get, and for me those 15 minute calls mean a lot to me. It means that my focus for the next 15 minutes is devoted to my loved one, until I hear the 1 minute beep before the phone hangs ups. It means that every letter I get, I cherish and save because every letter is a gift.It means that the sacrifice that I make is my choice, and even though people come up with many reasons as to why I shouldn’t stay and hold on, those reasons do not outweigh the relationship I have. I understand that I’ve scarified a lot by being in this relationship but there is no rule when it comes to relationships. When I sit, and think about the post of whether waiting for a love one to get out of jail made me stupid or loyal, I will say that it makes me a strong-willed woman, and my choice of relationship shouldn’t be judged if I decide to wait or not. Before we start to judge those, who wait and determined if they are stupid or loyal, look around at the relationships that you see. I guarantee you that some individuals are stupid for staying or going and some are loyal while others are not loyal.
If you are reading this, know that you may never see pictures of my significant other ever. It’s not because I’m ashamed of him, it’s because my love life is hard and it’s a journey itself. But it’s a journey that I don’t want everyone on with me. I don’t need to post a picture of my man, and explain his situation and get comments on how I’m strong for sticking it out or how I am dumb for waiting.What I do think is stupid, is to broad cast your relationship and let individuals who you barely know give you advice on whether you should stay or go. What I’ve learned in this relationship, that I wished I knew in past relationships, is that when you start to let others in, then you start to take advice from others instead of listening to what your heart or God is truly trying to tell you. I am not stupid for choosing to wait for my loved one, and I’m loyal despite all the difficulties that I go through in this relationship. I chose to stay not because I can’t seem to find another man, or because I feel that I can’t do any better, that is not true. I choose to stay because I know God didn’t make no mistake when he brought us together and got us though the tough times.I don’t stress or worry about my relationship or being alone on the outside because I know that there will be a day when he will come home and our time apart will only have been one chapter in our life together. That day on Facebook I chose not to comment, not because I was scared, but because I knew that unless you as an individual have physically been in the situation where you had to wait for someone, then you’re answer on whether they are stupid or loyal is just an opinion.
