Life is full of down and out moments for everyone, and trudging your way through college is no different. College life is ripe with those moments (or days or weeks or months...). As a freshman in college, I first experienced an unbelievable high once I had left home and I was finally on my own. I enjoyed doing my laundry every weekend. I loved coming home from class and making myself a good meal, and as odd as it may seem, I even liked taking the trash out.
The first month was filled with proactive behavior and an uncanny ability to do a hundred things at once...but as the workload increased and my sleeping hours decreased, I slowly began to slip into a lower, more darker moment. I stopped doing my laundry every weekend, I lost interest in making a solid meal for myself since it seemed to warrant far too much energy, and my trash bin seemed like some sort of mutant monster, always reaching its claws towards my bed.
Even though my marks and any school projects were going well, I couldn't help but feel a pang of anxiety whenever I thought about that overflowing trash can on my side of the dorm, or the busting-at-the-seams laundry basket shoved under my bed. I was scared my life was falling to bits and pieces all around my feet, and I was too tired and unmotivated to even bend down and pick them up. The idea of failure while I was held captive by my own anxiety and exhaustion terrified me, and I wasn't sure if I could pull myself (and the sad little pieces of my life) back up before my fear seeped into and sabotaged my schoolwork.
The turning point came the day my anxiety peaked. I had classes and meetings all day, and I just couldn't see myself being able to make myself useful during any of them. I wanted to stay home and feel bad for myself and how unable I was to function, and then I realized I was starting to become what I had feared all along. With this realization, I mentally slapped myself in the face, forced myself to get a grip, and I went into my meetings feeling a little better about myself. That day, all of my meetings and classes went extremely well, and by the time my head hit the pillow that night, I had a new surge of confidence that hasn't worn off yet.
I learned a valuable lesson that day: the little wins are sometimes the biggest and most important ones, and that they should always be celebrated. By getting myself to my meeting lifted my spirits, and the achievements gained in that meeting stuck with me for the rest of the day. I was starting to feel like myself again, and a hot dinner and my laundry was calling my name. Just by showing up to something I didn't think I could do reminded me that yes, I can do this, I can handle college and all the things that come with it. Now I understand that those scary moments motivate us to pull ourselves together and chase the fear away, and that these periods are normal. They make us stronger, and we should give ourselves credit for the little things we do to overcome the heavier times. You might feel like there's nowhere to go but down, but as I learned, sometimes the high point is just around the corner.
