“A good weight loss plan encourages you to focus 80% of your energy on dieting.” , said Joe to Sam as he directed her attention to the board listing the fitness goals and plans that he had typed up for them to follow during the upcoming weeks. “We’re in this together, now tell me. Would you want to look like this, or this?!” Joe pulled out two sheets of paper, one with a picture of a larger woman with love handles and the other one featuring a toned young woman with abs glistening like the glazed donuts Sam couldn’t seem to get off her mind. As she came into focus she stared at the photos. “Is that what I look like?” , she said to herself staring at the larger woman in the picture to the left. Sam had always considered herself somewhere in the middle. Not a large but not a slim fit either. Her stomach was flat enough, her arms and legs weren’t particularly large. Up until this very moment she had never considered that she might need to stick to a fitness regimen. “Are you with me?”, Joe said as his voice pierced his girlfriend’s train of thought. Sam nodded her head . Could she do it? Would she do it?
Later that night, it was time to go for their daily 3 mile run. Sam hadn’t run three miles since her high school gym class. But as she wedged her feet into her unused running shoes and slipped into a tank top, she couldn’t help but feel that she was about to sweat off more than her just body weight. Her body was a part of who she was, would she lose it to this new lifestyle? As she looked into the mirror she grabbed her stomach tight. “God, I just, ugh. What I wouldn’t do to be able to just rip this off”, Sam said as she pulled at the fat on her stomach. Perhaps the most alarming part of the conversation she was having with herself was that she had never had thoughts like these before tonight. “Let’s go babe.” Joe said as he smiled into the mirror and flexed the muscles in his arm, almost as if to convince himself his workout was already half-way over.
2 miles into their run Sam was drenched in sweat . There was no music on her iPod to revitalize her energy , only the voice in her head was loud enough to reach her. “You need to do this Sam! You can’t let him think you’re a fat pig. You have this in you, just run. Run!!” Sam stared ahead of her to see Joe a few steps away running without a problem. She wasn’t sure how, but she would finish this race. “Don’t count me out just yet”, she screamed to him as she ran faster than she ever knew her legs could carry her. Before she knew it she was back at her apartment drenched pale in the face and shaking. It was over, she could feel proud of her body for a night. Just a night. After all, tomorrow was only day 2.
The next morning the smell of Joes fresh fruits and vegetables were intoxicating as Sam began craving her usual creamer filled coffee and buttered toast. But no, she wouldn’t dare reach into the fridge. What if Joe saw her trying to eat? He’d yell at her, he’d be hurt. She couldn’t imagine being the one to make him feel alone in his quest for a healthier lifestyle. “I’ll skip it and eat lunch later, no big deal”, Sam said to herself as she grabbed her purse and ran out the door after kissing him. Her meeting was at 10’oclock and couldn’t be late.
The clock struck 1 and the meeting had dragged on for what seemed like hours. Then suddenly her coworker Susanne burst through the door. “Donuts! Glazed donuts! This ought to wake you up, everyone! My daughter’s birthday is today, so eat, eat! All in celebration of a happy occasion.” Sam looked around the room as everyone sprinted to the box of donuts. Then she felt it, a smile. She could smell the warm donuts and could imagine the wonderful feeling of biting into one as the sugary coating broke in your mouth. As she stood up to grab the donuts her legs shook causing her to fall back into her seat. “Oh yea, I can’t. I mean I could. He’ll never know.” , she thought to herself as she considered eating for the first time today. But before she was able to put anymore thought into her next move, the room went pitch black as Sam fell to the floor.
As she came too, she woke to Susanne asking her if she was alright? It wasn’t a question she felt she could answer. “Was she alright? Was this her? Why couldn’t she eat too?” , she glanced across the room and saw the empty box laying in the trash. No sugary sweets for her. "Maybe it was for the best", she thought as she picked herself up and walked out of the meeting room. Later that day she arrived home to her boyfriend. He was reading on the couch with his shirt off. She stared at his pecs and flat stomach and laughed to herself. “He has no idea what it was like to need to lose weight. If my stomach were that flat I’d be wonder woman. I wouldn’t even think twice about needing to diet.” He glanced up at her and smiled. “Sweetheart! What would you like for dinner tonight?" He asked as he grabbed her by the waist. Sam looked down at her waist and realized for the first time that he couldn’t get his entire arms around her. Why hadn’t she noticed that before? Her face turned red as she considered the fact he had already come to that realization. “Dinner, babe. Where are we going for dinner?” , Joe asked as he looked Sam in the eyes. She shrugged as his eyes wandered the room. “Hey, we can go anywhere as long as you eat something from the list I made up to go along with our new diet plan.”, he said as he unraveled a scroll like list that featured every bland food known to man. Celery, tomatoes, carrots etc. Sam squinted as she tried to find some of her favorites. A silver lining, a place for her on that list. But she couldn’t. “Babe, dinner.”, Joe said impatiently. “Let’s go to Blues” , Sam said. Blues was a new restaurant that had just opened a few blocks from their apartment. Sure it was a hole in the wall but it had just the right stuff. A fancy bar, sheik layout and something for everyone to eat. From salads to cheese fries, Blues had it all.
As she sat across from Joe at the dinner table she could hear the sound of silverware clanging around the restaurant as thousands of toothpick like ladies finished off their asparagus dinners and pounded down their soupy green beverages. “Here you go, any questions let me know.” , the waitress said in a peppy tone as she handed Joe and Sam the dinner menu. If only the waitress knew the pressure she was under, maybe then she wouldn’t have been so happy about giving Sam a menu laced with opportunities to disappoint her boyfriend. “Leaves, leaves , vegetables…Ah!”, Sam screamed as she found a burger and fries. She smiled and bounced up and down in her seat upon the thought of a warm meal and a full stomach. After a bit of small talk the waitress took their orders. Sam ordered first and then Joe ordered. “A salad and a light soup for me.”, Joe said smiling at the waitress. The young woman then thanked them and ran away with the menus. Sam smiled at Joe as she realized his face was redder than the fresh tomatoes she would soon wish she had ordered. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” , Joe screamed as he slammed the table. “Fries?! That wasn’t on our list.” Sam looked around as the other customers looked nervously at their tables. Sam’s eyes began to water. “I wasn’t thinking , I’m sorry. I’ll cancel my order and get a salad with no dressing.”, she said as she scrambled around uncomfortably In her seat trying to flag down her waitress. “Well forget it, she probably already placed it.”, Joe said as he folded his arms and began the ever so unsettling silent treatment. “I’m so sorry”, Sam said as she looked at him. The waitress then came around with the fries. She placed them infront of them as Sam’s mouth began to water. There in front of her sat golden fries, warm and promising . However, she wasn’t hungry, not anymore. She couldn’t eat. No, not with Joe watching her. Never before had Sam felt more uncomfortable In her skin. “Can we just get a check?”, Sam asked as her eyes began to water up again. Within seconds Joe had the check paid and they were on their way out of the restaurant. “What happened back there Sam? I thought you were in this with me? I’ll do it alone. This isn’t working”, Joe said as he snarled at Sam.
There comes a moment in everyone’s life in which a choice must be made. You can either chose to stand up for yourself or crumble. However, on that particularly stressful Saturday night, Sam Orella chose herself. “I’m not against you, but I’m not living this way. I am who I am. I’m a girl who eats fries, who grabs a donut when someone offers one. But I’m also a girl who loves you and will run miles to be with you, to be skinny in your eyes. I passed out today, did you know that? Did you know that every time I am about to eat, I hear your voice in the back of my head? I’m not perfect, and I won’t always follow that list. But I am in this. From now on I will work to make my body look the way I want it to look on my time. My way.” Sam’s voice shook as she realized the only thing she managed to loose to this dieting plan was herself. “You’re right, this isn’t going to work.”, Sam said as she collected herself and walked away from Joe. She smiled as she headed back to the restaurant where she would have a meal that would fill her aching stomach. She’d order a water not a coke, she would still have her fries but not desert. But more importantly, she'd do it her way.
