Anxiety illnesses are anything but a walk in the park. It's not only difficult for the person fighting with their anxiety problems, but it is also really hard for their loved ones. Often times, loved ones don't really know how to help out when someone is having a panic attack. A mental illness like this one can take a huge toll on relationships, friendships and can even cause strain within a family. To try and avoid that chaotic confusion and in an effort to ease the strain on loved ones, I'm going to give you some guidelines on how to love someone AND their anxiety.
1. Their Illness Doesn't Define Them
Anyone would hate to be put into a box and be labeled, same goes for your loved one. Remind them who they are under the anxiety, and let them know how great that individual is.Try to ground them by reminiscing about a fun memory together, one that illustrates who they are without their illness.
2. BE PATIENT & KIND
They will repeat themselves over and over, and if they feel you becoming impatient with them they will panic more! Take some time to sit with them and to be there for them, always listening to what they have to say. Do not snap at them once you've had enough of what they're saying. It's not easy being constantly nice and patient no matter who it is and how much you love them but make a huge effort to let them know they're loved.
3. They Overthink E V E R Y T H I N G
They take the phrase "turning mountains into mole hills" to a whole new level. They will think negatively and begin to pick apart every little detail. Times like these is when you sit down with them and help them go through their thinking process in order to make sense of things. Panic may occur, and thats okay because YOU and THEY can get through it.
4. They Know Their Anxiety Is Irrational
Believe me, they know that they panic over everything and that they overthink tiny things, that they fear things that will likely never happen. Being so well aware also makes them feel self-conscious about their feelings and fears, they don't want to bother and try to bottle things up. The more support you show them the more comfortable they will be with you , and more likely they will share their fears with you. Remind them that their feelings and fears are important, and they are not "stupid", make them feel validated and heard.
5. Comfort Can Be Found In Weird Places
It may be an old, raggedy, torn-apart blanket or a book with the spine popping out and pages falling, or a certain Red Hot Chili Peppers song; but whatever the item is it can help them a lot. Know what their comfort item is, and if possible bring it out while they're panicking to try to ground them and help them feel in control.
6. Ground Them
I've mentioned this term quite a few times, maybe it would help to explain it. Grounding someone means to try to bring them back to reality while they are going through a panic attack. There are several methods on how to ground someone but the most common are: Five Senses, and 4-7-8 breathing. Five Senses basically consists of helping them find five things they can see, four things they can touch, three things they can smell, two things they can hear, and one thing they can taste. This makes the individual aware of their surroundings and helps them to feel in control by finding these things they can experience with their 5 senses. Now, 4-7-8 breathing is mostly for when they begin to come down from a panic attack. Help your loved one by instructing them to breathe in for four seconds, keep it in for seven seconds, and exhale for eight seconds. This is a form of mediation which helps to relax the body and mind, after a very tiring panic attack. Grounding someone can help to alleviate the mental and physical strain on the individual while they are panicking.
7. It's Not Just In Their Head
Anxiety is a mental illness butit can manifest into physical pain. Hearing that the pain they are experiencing is all in their head and not real can hurt your loved one and make them feel like you don't care. A panic attack is very unique to every individual, but it often feels as if your heart is going to explode in your chest, you feel the beat pulse through your entire body going 10x faster than normal. Panic attacks can also induce muscle-aches from tensing the muscles for too long or shaking harshly, this can also cause headaches and stomach pains. So, no it is not all in their head.
8. What To Say Other Than "Are you okay?"
- Remember your breathing
-Do you want me to stay?
-This won't last forever
-You can beat this!
-You've gotten past this before, you can do it again
9. Respect Their Wishes
If they want to be left alone, listen to them. Odds are they know how to handle their anxiety alone and they don't feel comfortable in front of someone. Anxiety, like any other illness, is very personal.
10. Remember They Appreciate You
Anxiety is hard to deal with, even if you are not the one experiencing it. You will get annoyed, tired, angry at them but you need to remember how they feel. They can't help acting the way they do, and they appreciate you being there for them. You are GREAT!
