Writing this article was an iffy topic for me. Be it a sore spot, or just a general bitter taste to me, something about it held me back. Obviously, it didn't do a very good job, because here you are reading this.
Throughout my life I've had my fair share of encounters that included, but were not limited to, someone just not knowing how to love me anymore. With times changing as much as they are and the everlasting clash between the older and younger generations, I'm sure this is the case for most of you reading this.
It’s a tough task loving someone who doesn’t know how to love you. On one hand you’re very rational, knowing that it’s not you, but how they view the world and that it’s their right to believe those things. On the other hand, you’re just human. You want nothing but unconditional love and support, especially from those who are supposed to be the ones giving it to you.
No matter the case, there comes a time when you grow up, maybe sooner than you were ever meant to, or maybe when you’re not supposed to be the grown up. The golden rule finally starts to echo in your mind and genuinely make since: do unto to others as you would have done to you.
You can’t make people love you. You can’t make people agree with you or see the world from your shoes. You can’t show them how much it hurts to be so frowned upon, even if you could, you don’t truly wish that on them.
The only thing you can do in the face of someone not knowing how to love you is simply to love them.
If you’re angry at them: love them. If you’re hurt: love them. If you don’t understand: love them. It’s what you wish they’d do for you, so do it to them. There’s liberation in on open heart. And why there’s also sadness, but at the end of the day, life is too short to spend any amount of time with a hateful heart.
It will always be hard. Some days you won’t know who is the umbrella and who is the rain. There will be a few days where one of you is probably both. Every so often you’ll want to give up, to be done with trying to love them during the times they may make it hard to. As much as it can be unpleasant to admit, the way you feel like you’ll never be enough for them is probably the exact same thing they feel, just reversed situations.
They don’t know how to love you. They don’t know how to understand; in some cases they aren’t even trying to. There’s a very good chance they know they’re letting you down, and to them it may feel as if they can’t be who you need them to be just like you can’t be what they want you to be.
Love them anyways. There’s a stigma around strength: that you must be tough and guarded and rugged. There is no truth to that. Strength comes from vulnerability and keeping an open heart in the midst or in the wake of pain. By loving what makes you feel weak, in turn you have the opportunity to grow strong.
No one controls you except for you. Keep in mind, you can love someone and acknowledge that they may play a toxic role in your life and that the best thing is to not have them directly in your life. You can love someone from afar or from as close to you as your own right hand. Loving does not always equate to agreeing. Love does not mean an absence of dislike. Love means cherishing someone in your heart no matter what.
Don’t let their lack of love make you lose sight of your own. Stay strong and always remember: love conquers hate. And I promise you: love will always win.
