the other day you asked me what my type was and i of course answered you with "i like boys with messy brown hair, light eyes, bigger build and an asshole personality." you told me that you were the perfect match. you are. i fell for you Lucas harvey. hard. i know you don't love me back and thats okay. one day ill let you read this and i hope it changes your view of me. But not before I know you're out of my life completely.

when i first met you, i didn't know how to act. yeah we talked on the phone and through snapchat but you literally took my breath away when you walked into the room. i fell for you then and there. i do not believe in fate but i know i was destined to meet you. you had a girlfriend at the time and i did not want to ruin that so i tried being friends with you. i really did try. that whole night still is embedded in my head though. the way your hair tossed in the wind when we dropped the top, even though it was drizzling and cold. how you didn't even know me and still slow danced with me at the dance.. how we instantly clicked on the way back to daltons house singing george straight. i knew after that night that you would have a big impact on my life and little did i know that you would be the one i cannot get off my mind. after that night you were constantly the one i thought about. so one day dalton asked me to come stay the night at traci's house and i was super excited to come over. we talked a little bit after homecoming but not really because you had a girlfriend. but i did not expect what happened that night. I obviously knew we would sleep in the same bed together but i didn't expect you to kiss me. you also held me. i promise you i never wanted you to let go. i don't know if you did that because you wanted to have sex with me or if you actually was being sweet but it felt amazing. after that i knew there was no going back for me. i fell for you.

we honestly didn't talk much after that and only saw each other through dalton. but every time i saw you those feelings never left. the next time i saw you, it was after one of your football games. your girlfriend was there. i didn't know what to say to you so all i said was hey. we were suppose to go eat afterwards with y'all but i told ezra i didn't want to because haley was there and it low-key broke my heart. so ever since then i would snapchat you every 3 days and tell you that i missed you and "thats all" but it really wasn't all of it. i wanted to tell you im falling for you. we again only saw each other through dalton and cuddled here and there but it wasn't anything serious until the night of haleys homecoming. i went over to daltons house and only planned to stay there till he got ready and you come and pick him up. but dalton didn't want to go anymore because of lexi being there. that was okay with me.. i love hanging out with dalton and cuddling so i was cool with it. you told dalton to come stay the night at your house and well you invited me too. i told myself that i wasn't going to stay and that id leave after getting to see you for a bit. i always joked about "wanting to fuck you" but the only reason i said that was because i knew that was the only way i could get you to fall for me. anyway we got to your house and your girlfriend was there.. ouch that hurt. i don't know if you knew i was there or not but after the whole drama scene with lexi, you walked out of your room and said that you were fixing to have sex. i cried. no one knows about that though. i don't know if you did or not but once you and dalton left i cried myself to sleep. not because you had sex with YOUR girlfriend but because i was stupid to think that you'd choose me over her.

once you got back you came in the room to mess with me of course, because thats what you always do. i was asleep but when i heard the door open i knew that it was you. its pretty crazy though.. i can spot you out anywhere. anyways i woke up and cried about a dumb boy who shouldn't have hurt my feelings and you of course held me because you can be sweet when you want to be. then dalton started to get sleepy and you really wanted me to sleep with you. i wasn't going to at first because when i sleep with you i cannot sleep at all. it sucks. i went anyways and of course one thing led the another and we had sex for the first time. i know it wasn't that big deal to you. trust me i know but to me when you first went inside of me it was like firework in my stomach. a literally feeling i cannot describe. i still can't describe it. you're everything. after that night something changed between us and i know you felt it too because you act so different towards me now. like you're trying not to fall for me. please.. just do it.

I fell in love with you. In a crazy stupid and weird way. It's so hard watching the person you love being loved by someone else. I found a home in you. When I'm wrapped up in your arms I feel like no one can hurt me. I'll never tell you this though. From the start I knew there was something about you. When I think of you my heart breaks and explodes with love all at once. I don't know if that makes sense or not but there's no better feeling than being around you. You make me feel so much it's unexplainable. But ur too good for me. Way too good for me. I'm just now realizing that I love you and it scares me. It scares me so much. When you kiss every inch of my body I don't think you know the affect you have on me. I know I play hard to get and you hate that. But how am i suppose to love something that isn't mine. Why do I love when you kiss up and down my arm in such a loving way or the fact that you know you're not gonna get any sleep but sleep with me anyways. When ur trying to kiss me that look in ur eyes.. drives me absolutely crazy. Why am i in love with you. How can I love something that isn't mine to love. You warned me. You told me that I'd fall for you.. if you knew then why'd you let me? U make me crazy. You tickle my arm to make me fall asleep or play with my hair without me asking. You shower me with kisses and my favorite part? The world around me stops. Having sex with you is so different. Like you belong with me. Like our body's were made to mold with each other. Ever since I met you, you've been in my dreams. Every. Night. Are you thinking of me too? My body craves to be with you. When you look at me ur the only thing I see. Does ur heart stop when I look at you? Or do you feel the connection I feel when we're having sex? When I rub small circles on ur arm.. does that make you go crazy? please love me back. one day.

Lucas harvey is someone i really cannot describe. yeah he's tall, has brown hair and the prettiest green eyes but i mean i cannot figure out what makes him, him. i wrote this like i would be talking to him. tell him how i felt all those times, but i could not tell you what Lucas thinks of me. one minute he wants me and the next he absolutely hates me. i don't know what hurt him but i wish i knew.. the feelings i have for him are so strong i would do anything he asked for. id give the stars to him if he really wanted it. i don't know why he holds back from me or if he really is incapable of loving someone. but what made him that way? he is something else though let me tell you. he is beautiful and someone i hope to give my all to someday. he is funny and smart and really is one of the kindest people you'll ever meet. i could not imagine my life without him now. yeah it hurts not being able to love him the way i want to love him but im okay with that. if being single and talking to all these other girls and wanting to have sex with them makes him happy.. then im happy to see him happy. i know we basically put down these rules that we aren't going to fall for each other and what not but gosh. a type of feeling that i know i will never get over.. and Lucas if you're ever reading this i hope that one day you'll consider letting me in and loving you. ill wait if you ask me to.. but if you know you'll never love me back then please.. let me go.

and finally to the girl who gets to love him after me.. i hope you know what kind of prize you just won. you won over the boys heart that i could never have. love him. hard. for me please. love him like you'll never love again and please put him first. he isn't controlling and doesn't get jealous but don't take advantage of that. he likes his own space sometimes and wants to be alone. let him. i know that one day when he lets the guard down that he has up around his heart that you'll be the luckiest and most loved girl in the world. he is something else. but please also know that he'll always have me. ill hurt anyone who hurts him and ill always love him.. why? because he changed my perspective on life and changed me. i am forever grateful for the number of days that i got to love him from a distance and he deserves all the love in the world..

no one will have me the way you have me LH. December 28th, 2019