When the day came and we completely stopped talking I put all the blame on myself. I tried so hard to be perfect, for you. I tried to keep you happy, I tried to make you feel wanted at all times, I tried to change myself into something I thought you wanted. I finally convinced myself that I was never good enough for you.
Looking back on our relationship, I can only see the good. No matter how many times I try to find the flaws and mistakes that you made, I can’t because I pushed them to the back burner and I only focused on the good.
I remember kissing goodnight and waking up in your arms. I remember our long silenced stares because neither of us had anything good or bad to say about that day. I remember all the times you would tickle me only because you knew it pissed me off and you loved my “pouty face”. I remember your smile like it was my own.
The times you told me this was it, this was forever. This was perfect, we were perfect. Those words replay in my head often every single day. You said we were each other’s saving grace.
If we were meant to be, like you said, then why was it so easy for you to walk away?
You promised to stick with me through the good AND the bad but as soon as “bad” rolled around you left without saying a word. The pain you caused me, you just don’t do that to someone you truly care about.
Can you blame me for being so cold hearted? You promised to never leave, you left. You promised to always be my one and only, you lied. You promised to make me your wife, but instead you just walked away.
Can you blame me for dreaming? It was suppose to be me and you til the end, good and bad, ups and downs. You promised to always be here for me. I mean, you said I was your everything, you said you couldn’t live without me. But look at us now, i’m broken and you’re just fine.
Between gasping for air and drowning myself in tears, I realized that you may have broken my heart but I broke my soul. I lost myself trying to find love where love never existed. You didn’t deserve me to begin with.
I was too good for you, yet I lost myself trying to make myself believe I needed to change. I used to have a light in my eyes, you took that from me. I used to smile all the time, now I stare blankly into crowds. I gave you my whole heart and all I got in return was a piece of you.
Before you, everything was so simple. I trusted, I smiled, I laughed, I was happy. My trust no longer exists. My family begs to see my smile and to hear my laugh. I don’t even remember what happiness feels like today. I loved you with everything I had in me, and you threw it all away.
I lost myself in the process of loving you. I became someone I didn’t recognize to be someone you needed but you left anyways. I let loving you completely consume me. I just wanted to fall in love, my intentions were never to lose the person I was before you.
Looking back I feel pathetic, I changed myself for someone who never deserved me. I was good enough from the beginning, but I thought you deserved more. When in all reality, you deserve less.
You shattered my heart like broken glass, and left me to repair it myself. In doing so, I started to find the girl I was before you. I hope one day you regret not loving me the way I loved you. I was the best thing to ever happen to you. You should have loved me when you had the chance.
