When first meeting someone from a broken home, chances are you will not know right off. They will try to act as if they are always at their happiest, enjoying every second that their life has to offer. Especially because they just want to fit in -- be like "everyone else." They don't want everyone else to know what is happening behind the scenes within their home. They will laugh, make jokes, go with the flow, knowing the minute they go home and walk through the door things are going to change. Assuming they still live in the hard situation, which they may be out of at this point in their life.
The real question here, is what is it that they are holding onto? What is it that they constantly have on their mind? People who come from broken homes all have very different stories. Was it abuse, the loss of a family member, divorce, or was it the childhood that they lost out on?
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When you first are getting to know them they will most likely dance around the questions about their family, background, home life, all of it. It's not something that they really care to focus on, and the truth is they aren't sure if they can open up to you yet and tell you all of that. Opening their heart up to someone else is one of the hardest battles that they are going to come across -- aside from the awful pain that is weighing down on their heart in the worst of ways. They aren't trying to hide information or the truth from you, they just find it more of a burden to tell you. They do not want to worry or scare you off.
Once they open up to you, they will begin to slowly give you more details on their current or past lives. It is going to come off as overwhelming and is going to be a lot to take in. They may get extremely emotional during this depending on how they are coping with it all.
The real reality of it is that they know that they have lived through a lot, and that it is more of a burden to talk about and pointless. They can't change the past of what has happened, in talking comes some closure, but will the full closure ever come? The past is always lingering in the back of their mind. It's the memories of the past that are more painful than the memories themselves. People who have lived through a tragic event, or come from a broken home, know that it's rare to come across someone who wants to know how they lost the one closest to them, or how their parent threw them across the floor each time they decided not to bite their tongue.
For them, holidays and family gatherings are uncomfortable. They don't remember the last time they had the entire family their for anything. They aren't even sure how to communicate their feelings; they pretend that everything is OK. They don't want you to see that deep down every holiday tears them up on the inside a little more. Seeing families come together warms their heart, but also breaks it at the same time. Knowing they missed out on that.
"I know I don't deserve you." This is something that they are going to struggle with for a while. They do not believe that they deserve you, they don't deserve love. Maybe all they have been told is that they will forever be unlovable. You will have to reassure time after time, but the truth is they probably have never known what "love" feels like and find it terrifying, knowing that you might just be someone that will come and go.
Meeting your family was hard, you may not know this right off, especially if you do not find out about their past until much later into the relationship. But much like everything with the holidays, this is hard. Your family will begin to feel like their own family, too, and that scares them because they know that once they lose you, it's like losing the family they never had.
The arguments are going to be completely shut off, or led by emotion. It's not that they want to shut themselves off from you, chances are if they are shutting off on you it's due to the fact that they may be heading toward their breaking point of crying, or may already be. Their anxiety is through the roof, and quite frankly the only thought going through their head is that they might tip you off, they may say the "wrong" thing and lose you forever, you might leave like everyone else has.
They will make good parents, despite what some people's first thoughts on this, people who have lived through such things and have persevered to do better things with their life, and better themselves, will give all their love to their children, and give them the life they never had.
Once they give you their love, you're all they want. It's taken this long, but they have decided that you are worth it, and that you have been here this long, and that it is worth putting their all into. They will do all that they can to keep you happy, even if it includes constant battles with themselves. But they will not leave you, not once they finally feel safe and secure in your arms.
Know that they are trying, and they love you.
