It’s about 6 A.M. The sunlight is glaring through my dorm window. I got about four hours of sleep. I am cramped into the upper right-hand corner of my bed, with only a little pillow to spare. Next to me is my boyfriend. He’s snoring lightly; I watch his chest rise and fall. He’s sprawled out on the bed, the reason why I only have the corner. His legs reach the end of the bed almost hanging off. One arm is above his head and the other lays still by his side.

I always loved watching him sleep. He looks so peaceful and almost childlike. His lips are curled slightly into a smile. He must have been having a good dream. He crashed into my dorm room at around three thirty last night. He had walked all the way there from the bars. He was very drunk. When he reached my dorm he was dripping in sweat. I had to hold him up only to have him collapse in the elevator. He stayed on the ground all the way until the ninth floor. I held out my hand for him helping him up.

I told him he has to be very quiet because all of my suite mates are sleeping. I pulled him into my room and start helping him undress. I managed to get his sweat-soaked dress shirt off of him along with his undershirt. He collapsed onto my bed. Next come the socks and shoes; I pulled them off gently placing them by my bed so the room doesn’t get cluttered. I roommate is in the bed near mine. I reminded him countless times that he has to be quiet. He listened, sort of.

He takes up a majority of the twin size bed. He gets comfortable and quickly falls asleep. When he is drunk he is a heavy sleeper and takes an effort to wake him up. I curled up into my spot beside him, by this time I was considering sleeping on the couch, and I’m exhausted. Then he wrapped his arm around me and kissed my forehead.

He said, “Thank you for everything, I love you.”

I was stuck. I am in love with an alcoholic.

My boyfriend loved to drink, and when he drank there was absolutely no stopping him. He couldn’t even stop himself until he was blacked out and puking on the bathroom floor. He always said the same thing the morning after.

“I’m never drinking again.”

Each time he would say that the words would lose their meaning little by little and soon enough they were just part of his drinking routine.

That’s the thing about alcoholic’s drinking is a precise routine to them. They follow the same formula every time they drink. It all starts with a twist of a bottle cap. Alcoholics tend to seek solace in drinking. It provides them with something that they think they are missing in life. No matter what that thing is, it is still dangerous and often leads to disastrous consequences.

The main thing you need to know about loving someone with alcoholism is that, whether you know it or not, you are in a polygamist relationship. Your lover, your lover’s alcohol of choice, and you. My boyfriend loved beer. It was his go to. He couldn’t drink liquor. If he did it was very, very bad. He always starts with one beer, then two, then three, and then ten, eleven and twelve. I would lose count. At this point, you can ask them if they have had too much but often times that only prompt them to drink more. They seek to out-do themselves, striving for glory. They don’t realize that drinking will not give them what they seek.

If your lover is an alcoholic you should learn the signs of him or her being drunk. Do their words start slurring? Do they start swaying? Do their pupils become dilated and unfocused? The sooner you learn the cues of their drunkenness the sooner you can be there to save them from potentially dangerous situations. When your lover is drunk, you are their guardian angel. I know it can be annoying to “babysit” but the more you look out for their safety the easier the next morning will be.

Another thing to know is how to nurse a hangover. When my boyfriend wakes up I have Advil and Powerade ready to go. I also make him eat whether he is hungry or not to try and get that alcohol out of his system. Knowing how to take care of your lover the morning after is important. It shows you care. Alcohol is also a depressant; this makes any emotions that they are currently feeling ten times worse. They need to know that somebody loves them and cares for them.

The most important thing to know about loving somebody with alcoholism is that you can’t tell them not to drink. They have to make that decision themselves, and it will take them a while to realize it. Unfortunately, sometimes it takes them hurting the person they care the most about to realize that they do have a problem. Hopefully, it won’t have to come to that but if it does, you have to be strong.

I know it will hurt and you’ll ask yourself why and want to be angry and yell and scream. But you have to be strong. Most of the time alcohol can get in the way of being able to love. The love of alcohol can consume someone and they will lose the ability to love. A lot of alcoholic’s feel like they only have the ability to love alcohol and being drunk. They lose control of their lives and they often don’t feel like they deserve to have someone in their life if they don’t even have control over it.

When you love an alcoholic you cannot blame yourself for any of their actions. This is very important. When they are angry or sad it is not your fault. It is the alcohol. It fuels emotions and makes them ten times more potent. If you have to walk away when they are drunk you can absolutely do so. You are always allowed to leave. I know it’s hard because your heart will tell you one thing but your logic will tell you to go and run as fast as you can. Alcoholism never affects only one person. It’s like a dark shadow that appears and will latch onto you and cannot disappear.

However, the most important thing to do when you love an alcoholic is to love them unconditionally. There will be tough times and obstacles. If you show them that they are loved hopefully they will seek to get the help they need. Your support will be their biggest motivator. Loving someone with alcoholism is difficult and it can be emotionally and physically exhausting, but I am a strong believer in love conquers all, and whether the relationship works out or not, you have grown and learned, and one day you will find your happiness, and so will they.