Addiction is powerful; it’s a disease that anyone can fall victim to. It doesn’t discriminate. Men, women, mothers, fathers, doctors, teachers, young and old people… it doesn't matter. I've been surrounded by it my entire life. I've watched my father battle methamphetamine addiction, I've watched my brother battle opiate addiction, I've watched friends battle alcoholism and an uncle battle a gambling addiction. I witness people losing their children, their homes, their careers, even their lives because of it. Addiction is everywhere.
My dad spent a year in prison when I was in kindergarten. I’ll never forget sitting outside on the cold sidewalk with my preschool-aged brother while the police tore apart our home, searching for anything that would take my father from us. We sat outside as people drove by to watch. He spent one year in prison, was clean for awhile and then he relapsed. He was addicted to crystal meth until I was a teenager. On June 27, 2009 my dad started a new life; he stopped using. His friend dragged him along to every NA meeting in the area for quite some time. We spent many evenings at Narcotics Anonymous meetings and we met people that have become like family. He has now been clean for over SEVEN years. He’s built a new life and I’m more proud of him every day. I’m so thankful that my mom was there for us through it all; she never gave up and she made our childhood the best that it could possibly be. She stuck beside my father through every up and down.
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I wouldn’t change my childhood for anything. Good people sometimes do bad things. I don’t regret loving any of the addicts that I love. Addiction has had an important role in creating the person that I am today.
I believe that you love differently if you have ever loved an addict. I believe that you live differently if you’ve ever been around addiction. It makes you, you.
You're cautious.
You're hesitant to trust and nervous to get too close to anyone.
Things with even the slightest potential for addiction make you uncomfortable.
Alcohol, prescription drugs, gambling, etc… it all makes you nervous. You don't understand how people can “casually” drink because you've seen alcohol destroy lives. You don't understand how someone can gamble “just for fun” because you've watched an entire family lose everything to it.
You worry.
You check up on people to know they got home okay. You hope that your friend fighting addiction can get clean. You feel terrible for the little girl that lost her parents to drugs. You worry nearly every minute of your life.
You over-analyze.
Every word, every action, every situation: you pick them apart to see the deeper meaning. You wonder if you are being used or manipulated.
You learn that you can't fix anyone.
I've always tried to help and “fix” others. This isn't possible: you cannot fix someone that doesn't want to be fixed. You cannot help someone that doesn't want help. You can't make someone choose you over their drug of choice.
You know everything is temporary.
The addict you love could relapse at any moment. Your family could fall apart or the life you have built could be destroyed. Your hopes of everything your friend could have been could be shattered. The boy you go to school with may not be here tomorrow. Nothing lasts forever.
You love deeply.
Because, you never know how long the addict that you love will remain sober. You’re not sure if drugs will take the people you love from you. You take things moment by moment and love people for who they are despite any faults they may have.
Please know that if someone you love struggles with addiction - it isn’t your fault. Nothing you could do could change them. Don’t ruin your life trying to repair someone else’s. Celebrate recovery and be thankful for every moment they are clean and sober.
Please know that if you battle an addiction of any kind - you can beat it. It will be a fight every single day of your life, but you are strong enough to fight it. Do it for your family or just do it for yourself. I’ve seen people recover from addictions that no one believed could. You can too.
Take things one day at a time, one step at a time, one moment at a time.
I hope that God grants you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
