You cry every time they relapse.
You can't understand why they choose a drug over you.
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You beg them to stop, and they promise you that they will, but you know they're not going to.
You live an endless life of loving them and hating their actions and yet you can't seem to understand that they are never going to heal. You hope, pray and wish with everything you have, and yet nothing works. They have a disease that is permanent and no matter how long they resist, or try to avoid it, they will always relapse and go back to their old ways.
Whether their addiction is alcohol, narcotics, or even just a specific habit:
An addict is an addict, and they will always be one.
Growing up, I always felt that I could change addicts that I knew. I felt as if I was important enough to make someone want to have fun on their own. I thought I was inspiring enough to make them change their minds about the drugs and live a happy and sober life. I thought I could be the person to help every one, and sadly, i wasn't. I tried all the time and it never happened. I begged and begged for them to stop yet all they did was think of themselves.
As hard as it was, I came to the conclusion that my best option was to give up.
I gave up caring too much for them.
I gave up trying to make them happy.
I gave up on them in general.
Giving up was hard, because I loved them and I wanted them to be okay but I couldn't allow myself to be in pain any longer. The disease that controls them ends up making them a recipient, and their family/friends the real victims.
Although I've successfully made it through high school and my first year of college, it wasn't easy. The homework, tests and finals were hard, yes, but what was even harder was the fact that the one person I always wanted to talk to, wasn't there 100% of the time. They cared more about their drugs. They cared more about feeding their wants, rather than addressing their needs. They thought that the drugs were their reason for living. They didn't know how bad their loved ones wanted them to stop.
Drugs became their life, and they could care less about anything else. Their addiction was their oxygen and they didn't need anything else to live with. A pathetic life full of addiction, pain and suffering for others is all they know, and somehow they are okay with it.
But you're not. And I'm here to tell you that it'll be okay.
There is no clear solution to loving an addict. There is no easy way to do it. The only think you can do is keep loving them. You have to know that they love their addiction a lot, and even though they love you, they're going to put their addiction first. They can't help it.
So even if you are mad at them and you think that you don't want them or need them in your life, you still do.
You need to talk to them.
You need to see them.
You need to love them, even if it hurts you.
Enjoy the moments that they are sober or at least okay, because you may not get to experience that all the time. Cherish the good times with them, and know that even if they choose their addiction over you, they still love you and they always will.
