I see a lot of people assuming their S.O. should be their best friend. Where I agree with that to a certain extent, I also believe that being too close of friends (and not close enough lovers) could result in a relationship that lacks what it needs the most—love.
That's not to say we don't love our friends because we do, but are we in love with our friends? No, probably not. I've had the relationship where my boyfriend was my best friend first, and it ended just the way you'd expect. We became so fixated on maintaining a solid friendship that we forgot how to be lovers.
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I dedicated my current relationship to being friends before we even saw ourselves as lovers. Once we decided to be more than friends, our relationship didn't go back to that friendship. We excelled as LOVERS, not best friends. I don't want to be comfortable in my relationship to the point of forgetting what it felt like to try for him. I think that's why after three and a half years we are so strong as a couple.
We don't ever stop trying for one another because as a lover, I want to impress him in whatever ways I can. It shouldn't change just because we have been together for so long.
That's not to say we don't consider ourselves close or one another's best friends, but I'll be damned if I ever reverse the two. You don't introduce your S.O. as your "best friend" do you? No, because if that were the case, no one would think you're together. They'd think you were with him or her as you are with your best friend since grade school—two really close people, who have fun together, but don't have feelings beyond that. That's not what I'm trying to accomplish with my S.O. I want people walking down the street to see us and know we're in love because we are. If their opinion of us is that we look like friends, then maybe both of us need to reevaluate what we are to one another.
I loved my ex with all of my heart. He WAS my best friend, and I told him absolutely everything. There was nothing that couldn't be said in front of him, and even today I have so much respect for him for always keeping secrets that I confided in him with. I could feel it in the deepest parts of me that I wasn't in love with this man, but I idolized him so much as a best friend that ending things with him would not only result in losing a boyfriend but a best friend.
At the time, I cared so much more about losing the best friend that I realized I wasn't genuinely in love with him.
Today, I still tell my S.O. many secrets, but when I tell him these things, I know I'm telling my lover and not my best friend. Even knowing I'm in that mindset actually feels right to me. There aren't these burning questions wondering if he is to me what my ex was—a best friend over a lover. I didn't realize it before, but it is extremely important to feel this way.
I do understand why it's important to have both, but even more than that, I understand why it's important for one to be greater than the other. If being a best friend over a lover is what you're looking for, who is to stop you in finding that quality in all of your other close friends. Yes, it takes a special person to be a best friend, but it takes an even more special person to be a lover.
