The other day, my homework assignment was to answer the question, “Who is the brightest and most talented person you know?” There was no hesitations on this answer. My uncle, Jon, is the brightest and most talented person I know. He seems to always be ahead of the time -- he is always up to date with the latest trends in technology. I am convinced that he knows a computer inside out, and if he doesn’t, he will find a way. He thinks deeply, differently and out of the box. He has deep reasoning to why he says certain things and to why he believes certain things; everything he says, he says wholeheartedly with a purpose. He has touched my heart in way that has left a print.
He passed away a few years ago, and I still cannot refer to him in the past tense. I refuse to accept that his ashes are him. It is not him. He is alive in my heart, my mom’s heart, my aunt Melissa’s heart, my cousin Erica’s heart and everyone else he has touched. He is flying high with Christ -- I have to keep telling myself that.
He was taken so fast at an impressionable time in my life. It is the root to my anxiety and depression. At the time, I pushed it away. I convinced myself that it was not real by not thinking about it; but now, three-and-a-half years later, in the middle of my undergrad at the College of Charleston, it is haunting me. It puts fear in my eyes. If he was taken so fast, then what stops my parents from being taken just as fast or any other special person in my life? You see, this anxiety affects every relationship I have. There’s a voice in my head that tells me that people always leave. It makes me emotionally invest too much in a friendship or it makes me not invest anything at all. It makes me inconsistent. Ultimately, it makes me inconsistent in my relationship with God.
When we lose someone we love, our natural tendency is to dull the pain and question God’s faithfulness and goodness. I do not have all the answers; I do not know why my uncle had to die. What I do know is that in everything, God’s goal is to let you feel His love. God faced the ultimate loss when He sent His Son to die for our sins. Not only that, but God knew that some people would not love Him back; yet, He still sent Jesus. Romans 5:8 says, “God demonstrates His own love in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” God understands death, separation, pain and heartache. His understanding goes beyond measure (Psalm 147:5).
If you are someone dealing with loss or even heartache, I encourage you to not push God away. Do not dull the pain with things that do not satisfy like drugs, alcohol and mindless sex. Acknowledge your pain. If you do not, then it will haunt you later and affect your future friendships and relationships. It will affect your relationship with God and your perception of the Gospel. Trust that God does not bless us with people just so He can take them away from us. That is a lie straight from the Devil. Run to Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who endured the cross (Hebrews 12:2). Rejoice in that. Rejoice in God’s love for us. And know that for your loved one, it is not a goodbye, but a see you later.
