“Be confident, but not too confident,” because then you’ll be conceited. Sound familiar, anyone?

Because I know growing up we heard this phrase more than once. Getting ready in the morning and yearning to boldly exude the confidence you woke up with, but once you leave your house an armor of modesty lightly covers you until it drains you of your confidence entirely. Before you know it, you begin to downplay all of your achievements. You begin to doubt your abilities. You squash your inner light. This unconscious self-harm leads to low self-esteem and lack of confidence. Sadly, the root of these restrictions stems from the lack of self-love we have. Over time, we learn to love ourselves less, trust ourselves less and believe in ourselves less. What happens then? How do we begin the journey of self-love, when for most of our lives we were the top contributors in our self-hate?

Go on YouTube and type in “self-love.” You won’t need to type in anything else, because that search alone will lead to an array of self-love principles, guidelines, mantras, books, songs, etc. There are entire channels dedicated to this brand. And yes, I consider self-love a brand. Loving yourself unconditionally has become so rare and so difficult to achieve as individuals that there are online bloggers offering advice on how to begin the process. While I do think the support of others to help you reach your utmost potential is important, it is mind-blowing that we need this guidance from others. The act of loving yourself should be practiced from birth.

What is self-love to me? Well for starters, it is a verb, not a noun. To love yourself is a also a journey, not a destination. Oftentimes, when people do begin the process of loving themselves unconditionally, they pinpoint some of the ways in which they aspire to change. Once that goal is achieved, they think: “Ah, I did it. I love myself.”

Unfortunately, life presents us with conflicts that challenge our character, our behavior, our morals and our values. When we do something that contradicts our beliefs, we can be hard on ourselves. That accomplished feeling of accepting ourselves may go out the window. I cannot stress how important it is to remember that self-love is journey, not a destination. This entails allowing yourself to go through physical changes. Accepting your values in situations that may compromise them. Understanding your emotions in times where you react in ways that surprise even you. Analyzing the role you play in situations that are not conducive to your health. Loving yourself requires you to delve into the ultimate layer of your inner being and analyze yourself fully.

For those who may want to begin this journey but do not know where to start, I have some advice. For one, I would recommend investing in a journal. It’s not necessary to write in it every day, but weekly entries are a good start. Use this time to play some of your favorite music and begin to write freely, without overthinking and without any restrictions. Jot down your fears, concerns, emotions, goals, relationships, infatuations and much more. It is easier to tell yourself that you will make change, but once the words are on the page, it is impossible to deny them.

In addition, surround yourself with people who are on the same journey as you or are positive supporters. We underestimate the ability of other people’s energy to dim our own, and being around unsupportive people can be counterproductive to your journey. These are a few of my suggestions and I hope that you find what works for you along the way.