We've all heard the song. "Love Yourself" by Justin Bieber became an anthem of teenage girls everywhere that are still more than bitter from past breakups and crushes. However, I differ from the scorned masses in that I was actually more like the girl the song was referring to rather than Bieber himself.
"My momma don't like you and she likes everyone."
My ex always said his mom is the sweetest person alive. And that may be true, but I didn't feel like her sweetness transferred to liking me. Every time I was around her I felt like I couldn't really be myself and that she was always comparing me to the past girlfriends. The one time I said something about my own personal views on a subject, I was met with a look that actually still terrifies me. But still he always said that she was too nice to hate anyone and she really did like me, but I was never convinced and it made me insecure about everything in the relationship. And let's face it, we all know that if the mom doesn't like you, then you are doomed.
"When you told me that you hated my friends, the only problem was with you and not them."
To preface this, his friends are my old friends. As in the ones I'd had since I was little. It took me years before I decided that maybe these weren't the kind of people I wanted to be around, and I didn't really want anything to do with them when I went away for college. This seemed to be the main source of argument between us. He swore up and down that they didn't have a problem with me and they weren't rude to him and that I should give them another chance. But when you're the target of a "group bitch like" as I like to call it (when they assume a post is about them so they all like it at the same time), you aren't really feeling the love. So instead of him trying to see things from my perspective, it caused more drama. Now I make the joke that he got all the friends in the custody battle.
"I'd been so caught up in my job, didn't see what's going on."
We tried the long distance thing. Then it became I'm busy with school which became I'm busy with work which turned into never having time to talk or visit or anything. Hearing that someone just doesn't have enough time to come see you or talk to you really puts a lot into perspective and changes what you think about how much of a priority you are in this person's life.
"You should go and love yourself."
And you know what? I did. When I finally moved on, I got to remember how it felt to love certain things about myself because I loved them and not because someone else did. I stopped feeling the need to double check what I was wearing and what I was saying because I no longer had to constantly fight for someone's attention and approval. I got a chance to fall in love with myself again, and I wouldn't trade that for more years with someone I never felt good enough for.
