We all know what it feels like to lose someone, and therefore, we know how it feels to be heartbroken. I bet most of you think I’m talking about a breakup and now you have your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend on your mind, sorry ‘bout that. I mean, break ups suck too, but that’s not where I’m going with this. I’m talking about seriously losing someone. I’m talking about death.

I always have all these ideas and topics for articles that I want to talk about until it’s time to actually sit down and go write them. Then I change my mind, think my old ideas suck, and I find myself back at square one. As I sit on my bed waiting for some inspiration to fall from the sky, I’m staring at the wall. There’s a white picture frame hanging up holding my favorite portrait of my grandfather. I walk by that picture 100 times a day, and it’s been hanging there since he died. I know what I want to say now, thanks, Papa.

The ever-so-wise Brooke Davis once said, “It’s official, life sucks and then you die.” However, it’s not until someone dies that we realize life only sucks without them. Whether we’ve lost a parent, grandparent, sibling, cousin, aunt, uncle, friend, it doesn’t matter. It’s all the same hurt. We’re all afraid of the thought of not having the people we’re comfortable with in our everyday lives. And we know the pain of missing someone, which is why we fear it. I think that’s why graduating and growing up, and all that is something we dread so much. We aren’t unhappy about moving on to what’s next, we’re unhappy about leaving the people we’re so used to. Those are the kind of little moments that prepare us for these kinds of giant moments, like losing someone we love.

They say that “time heals everything,” and well, I’m here to call bullshit. Maybe some things heal over time, yeah, like broken bones and bad haircuts, but not the pain of missing someone. That never goes away or really gets any easier. This summer, it will be 10 years since my papa died. That’s almost half of my life, and time still hasn’t gotten me over it.

I, personally, think that time only makes us miss that person more. I have thought about my papa on every single one of the 3,650 days that he’s been gone. With the more time that passes, come more big moments that we have to experience without them, moments that we always pictured our loved ones being there for. It’s comforting to know that no matter how much time has gone by, they make it obvious that they’re still here through the signs that they send. And contrary to popular belief, time doesn’t make you feel any more distant from them. Though your last encounter with them is getting further and further away, your memory doesn’t grow any duller.

It seems like we’re almost even more influenced and determined to make them proud after they die than we are when they’re still here. Even though we can’t hear them tell us, or see their reaction, they don’t become any less important. We’re still worried about disappointing them and letting them down whether they’re here or not. The stories they told, the examples they set, and the advice they gave is just as fresh in our minds as the moment we heard it. No matter how much time passes, it’s impossible to forget the sound of their voice, the feel of their touch, and the way that they smelled.

We’ve obviously always known that our loved ones were special, that’s why it never gets easier. However it’s not until you find yourself wondering what they would think if they saw your behavior or reaction to something, until you get the chills because they always used to sing you the song that’s playing, or until the prayer card from their funeral that you carry around in your wallet is worth more than the amount of money in it, that you realize just how lucky you actually are. Even though we may have lost some of the people we love, we can keep them alive by living like them. Let them inspire you to be the best that you can be because someone else is just as impacted by you as you were by them.