I remember opening my bid for my sorority and feeling a rush of warmth and excitement. I finally felt like I was one of the popular kids and like I found my tribe. Everything I did was Zeta. I ate with Zetas, studied with Zetas, lived with Zetas, cried with Zetas. They were my girls and they were my security blanket. In turn, I volunteered for every event that we had, pursued the highest leadership positions, and sacrificed so much time with my family and friends outside of my sorority.

I’m graduating soon. And now the glitter has been mostly rubbed off those letters I received thre years ago. I know the most beautiful parts of my organization and how it has brought together thousands of women. But I also know now that that beauty takes work and that work can feel frivolous and unappreciated.

I saw a lot of the world since I started college, and every time that I leave the country, it reminds me that very few people even know what a sorority is or what it does. I do my best to explain it as a volunteer organization and that’s when I realized that I volunteer my time to this organization. I came back this time, into my senior year, wondering why I want to donate so much of my time to an organization that could care less whether I am apart of it or not. Me. An individual. Why do I matter to any one of those women. As a result of these thoughts, I didn’t make time for recruitment, budget appropriately for my dues, or make an effort... I had lost my sisters. And no one was to blame but myself.

The problem with groups is that everyone wants to feel included, but often times, the individual isn’t proactive in making themself included. I felt like I was an outsider at every event that I attended. I made the excuse that I was too old to make connections with the new women. I told myself that it was more important to work on my career. But then I realized, I don’t have to love my organization the same way I have all these years. It has always been changing- evolving. It was just subtle at first, and now it’s like I have finally opened my eyes and see how much I have grown.

My love as a senior is looking back at my memories and remembering how special they made me feel. My love as a senior is different in that I am now one of the women that the new girls look up to, and am being an example. My love is different in that I feel included in the alumnae world. It is so easy for me to have conversations with those who have already started their careers and it feels natural. My love for my sorority feels like a big sister’s. Not the Big/Little kind of love, but the kind of love where you really hope the best for your chapter. The kind where you want your chapter to succeed and grow up.

The kind of love that makes you speak up when you see something trying to hurt your chapter. The kind of love that just makes you proud to be a part of this special family. Yeah, they drive you absolutely insane sometimes, and sometimes they even hurt your feelings. But at the end of the day, I am so grateful for all of these things that my sorority has given me. Zeta gave me the adult version of me, and I don’t know how else I would have gotten this very great version of myself.