I want you to remember a feeling.

That moment when you’ve been underwater in the deep end, trying to sit on the floor. You can feel the bumps of the floor. You look around and can see everyone’s feet and legs just having a blast. Slowly you’re running out of air. So logically you head for the air. As you get closer to the top you start to feel your chest tighten. You know you need relief. If you could pause at the second before you hit that saving gasp for air, that would be where I sit. I am in this place of discomfort, I can see relief on the other side, yet I live in a constant state of a tight chest.

As a child you believe that everything works out in the end. True love is a given and easy to achieve, but as time goes on you learn that in fact not everyone gets this.

I think I need to acknowledge the fact they don’t know I love them. I have never once thought about telling them. When you truly care about someone you know what they can handle. God bless him, but he couldn’t handle this. And honestly, I don’t want to put that on them.

Everyone is always surprised when I tell them I don’t believe in love. I’m sure you are as well. “But isn’t your article about the person you love?”. And you’d be right, I am a bit confusing. Sometimes I just refuse to believe that another person can have so much power over you. I guess I can say I don’t believe in true love. There is no one out there just waiting to find me. That terrifies people. Most peoples biggest fear is dying alone. But how scary can it really be? We all came in this world alone why not go out the same way we came in.

Recently I took a trip to Disney, which is my all time favorite place. I was sitting waiting for the Halloween parade to start, watching the show going on in the street when I got that feeling. But, this time something was different. I wasn’t upset that he wasn’t there. Yes, I knew he would enjoy this just as much as me, but I didn’t miss him. Small accomplishments like this are what help me know that one day I won’t be stuck drowning in a pool.