We would all like to believe that like the song says "All you need is Love," but look around; clearly this is not the case with countless relationships lost or broken beyond repair. Divorces, broken engagements, business partnership fall outs, even life long friends no longer speaking. Lost and broken relationships are a part of each of our lives, and if we are honest many still involve a level of love. Then what happened? Besides the obvious that you were right and they were wrong? This is what we tell ourselves to put the hurt and heartache in the past and move forward. The truth is love is simply not enough.
A dear friend once told me that you need four things to have and continue a fulfilling relationship which has had a large impact in my life and my relationships. I have added a fifth and hope you too will find these five characteristics in those you hold dear. We have expectations of so many areas of our lives, why not relationships.
1. Like
It's where it all starts. Remember back to grade school. The notes passed back and forth. "Do you like me? circle Yes or No". What we like about that person can be so many things. They could be funny, smart, crazy, have a great laugh, fun to be around, supportive, and/or caring. They make us happy. Please keep in mind unlike some of the other characteristics this one you can and will fall in and out of. You never like everything. If they are in your life long enough they will do somethings that drive you crazy and at moments you may not like them much at all. This is very normal.
2. Love
Although we have established this alone is not enough it is still needed. Love by definition is an intense feeling of positive emotion toward, or enjoyment of, a person. This can include strong romantic feelings as well. That feeling like no other. When you say "I do"! When your baby is put in your arms for the first time! It's that can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of feeling. This characteristic can and will take on different levels. An example of this is when someone says "I don't love you anymore" this is usually a case of I don't like something you have done or said so my love for you is bruised or that it was more a relationship of lust and not love all along. In the right relationships love at some level will always be there.
3. Trust
It's not a given but gained. It grows with each day and becomes stronger over the years through actions, openness and honesty. Trust is fragile and the most important to stay true to. It can be shattered within moments following lies, dishonesty, & deceit. Lies are not always direct and can come in the form of dishonesty by omission. Broken trust can change you; making you less open to trust again. Without trust your relationship has little value and can take a lifetime to repair.
4. Respect
It's earned and not demanded. Respect is one of the greatest expressions of love and is also fragile. Always holding up the highest qualities of those we hold dear. Many times losing trust also results in a loss of respect.
5. Communication
Give it a voice, not just text and social media updates. Your hopes, dreams, goals, hurts, sorrow and success all deserve to be verbally shared with the ones you like, love, trust and respect. Expecting someone to know what you are thinking has disaster written all over it. Then listen with undivided attention to the ones you like, love, trust and respect. Listen to understand those you cherish.
Relationships are a gift from God and should be treated as such. Although love alone is not enough, it is a start.
